Moving out of state with my mother. -

Moving out of state with my mother.


I will be moving to San Antonio in the spring. I have been caregiver for mom for 5 years now. I'm taking her with me but I need to find a good physician, adult day care and a possible memory care facility for later on down the road. I don't know were to start my search. Is there anyone out there living in San Antonio or anyone who has relocated with a parent that can give me some tips?

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Churchmouse, I absolutely agree with you. I always have to go against her wishes when she is not lucid but during the conversation we had about relocating she was more lucid than usual and more like the old mom I remember and when she said she didn't want to take her last breath in the south I respect her wishes. Initially I had a hard time because I had to learn to "lie" to her regularly and that's not something I was used to. To me it felt like I was committing a sin each and every day. It hurt my heart but I realized that lying to her and many times participating in her hallucinations (LBD) is necessary in order to keep her safe from harm. I do know that there will come a time when I must make that hard decision to house her in a facility and no I'm not ready for that but it will come. I truly appreciate you and others who understand the chaos of caregiving. Thanks.
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It is better not to uproot a person with dementia unless you absolutely have to.
It is a good thing to accommodate your mother's wishes as far as you can, especially if you know them to be deeply rooted.
And as long as it is practicable, it is a good thing that you are able to remain in your current location.

But: be prepared for your mother to express abrupt, or even contradictory, changes of mind. The time will come when you will have to make decisions not only without consulting her, but sometimes in spite of her. Better be ready to start breaking those old habits! Hugs to you, and please stay in touch.
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Thank you so much for bring this to my attention. Her insurance is medicare with the AARP United Healthcare supplement. I have since spoken with her during a very lucid time and she informed me that she was born in the south and never wants to return. I will obey her wishes and find a home to purchase in our current city. It always amazes me that even though she has Alzheimer's I can't get away from following many of her wishes just as I did as a child. If I moved her south now It wouldn't sit right with me at all. I'm hoping that when this leg of my race ends I still have time and opportunity to once again follow my own desires. Thanks so much
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If you have access to a computer, go the City of San Antonio website and search for Senior Housing, Department for the Aged. There are other sites that give ratings of physicians where they will ask for City, State & specialty.
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What insurance does she have? Do you realize that first you have to switch to a new health care plan in a new state? Call your existing insurance carrier and see if they have a plan available in TX. Then find out which MD's participate in their coverage. If mom is on Medicaid where you are now, that ends as soon as you leave your state. Be aware that moving is very hard on dementia patients and can lead to bizarre behavior.
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