Would moving my husband with dementia be too hard on him? - AgingCare.com

Would moving my husband with dementia be too hard on him?

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Our son wants us to move to where he lives in a different state. I have problems with the thought of all I would to move. He has incontinence and taking him there would be a difficult thing. He sleeps most of the time, day and night. He doesn't talk. Dementia is such a sad thing to happen to someone. My fear of moving is that it will make him get worse and shorten his life.

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I would discuss the prospect with his doctor, but if he is as progressed as you describe, he may not be aware of a move.

Is the point to be near family who would help you? Do you anticipate keeping your husband at home indefinitely? Since, that is very challenging to do, I would consider other options if he did have to go into a facility. If that happened, would you be comfortable living alone in your home now, with family living far away?

I think I might sit down and consider all the options, before making the decisions. I will say that I moved my cousin who had severe dementia, but not as severe as you describe your husband, to a new Memory Care facility and she did just fine. She never had a minute's trouble and in fact, did better once she moved. The new place was better equipped to take care of her. So, it's not always a bad thing to do. It depends on the person. It may sound scary, but it could be a good opportunity.
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Have this talk with people who have done it. In many cases the patient is disoriented to the point of aggression. If you have moved frequently, that is one thing. But if you have been in the same house for 35 years, you have connections to neighbors and friends that would suddenly evaporate. You would be going from a longstanding network of support to relying only on your son. Think it over.
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From what you describe of your husband's dementia, fatigue and nonverbal status, I think moving could be catastrophic for him. Your son's intentions are generous and considerate, but unless his family will be able to assistance with care, I don't think your husband would be able to thrive any more than he is now. And the confusion could easily confuse and heighten his dementia.

Being close to your son would probably provide more support for you though, so that's an alternate consideration.

Would you be driving or flying? Either would be very demanding, fatiguing and disorienting....not a good idea.

This might be something you want to ask the doctor who's treating him.
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