Memory issues...my own and no one takes my concern seriously. Any advice?

Depression also affects memory a lot. I have a friend who was sharp as a tack, lost her job and now is very depressed. She repeats herself constantly, forgets things and seems out of sorts. Her doctor keeps testing her with questions and telling her there is nothing wrong.

I'm right there with you. I describe this as being the memory keeper. I have to know everything for two people..... well three (my husband sometimes.) We live with my Mom, who has Parkinson's and help her with everything. I'm the memory keeper. The past few months I've been experiencing what you have described. It was difficult to think I am just flat out overwhelmed. I have to be extremely careful about letting Mom know I forgot something. She uses it against me which is ironic because her memory is failing yet she can remember when I forget and keeps it tucked away in her memory to run me down personally and to other family members. Thing is it's my own stuff that I forget.... not her stuff. This forgetfulness can definitely be due to the stress of caring for another person. I have been to my doctor, a neurologist and both said I should try seeing a counselor. I am and she is very helpful. She says caring for another person, especially a parent is tough situation for most people. Seeing her is doing me and Mom good. Plus, I get some time away from Mom. 😜
If you feel that you might have a medical issue get a second opinion. You must take care of yourself. You are important!! You are loved and needed by many other people, not just your Mom. Love yourself and follow through on taking care of you in all aspects of your life. Don't let another person/s rule your life. I know..... easier said than done. Your in my prayers. God bless you, sister.

Add my name to the Missing Memory Group. Sigh. 2017 was My Year From Hell, and though I'm slowly recovering I'm still alarmed at the state of my memory. Front-seat exposure to dementia has really raised my consciousness and though I've always been focused on a healthy diet, I've recently renewed my commitment to daily exercise and started taking choline, folate, and curcumin. I keep my cholesterol down to acceptable levels with red yeast rice. Have I seen a difference? Subjectively, yes; though I doubt I'll ever reclaim the memory of youth.

I want to learn a language or a musical instrument to create a reserve of new neural pathways; sort of like insurance against a future with dementia. Anybody got a good dulcimer they want to sell? (o; I would prefer an instrument to learning Spanish! My DNA shows no markers for early or late-onset Alzheimer's; though that doesn't mean I won't "get" it.

I talked to my doctor about it. She said to keep doing what I'm doing, stay socially connected, etc. I just do the best I can and pray a lot.

You are not thinking out of left field here--the stress of caregiving has a lot of impacts on our health. I'm wondering if you are experiencing depression? Family caregivers are at a higher risk for depression, understandably because of the stress that comes with taking care of a family member 24/7. You can look up depression screenings online if you'd like to explore the idea; you can also ask your doctor if at your next appointment they could do a screening.

Depression can happen at any age, and can be clinical and ongoing, or sometimes just episodic and temporary. I'll share my own experience as an example:

Several years ago when I started at my current job, I was only 29 years old. I was in a different city than our main office, and my coworker had only been hired 3 weeks before me. I had a few half days of shadowing others as my "training," but had to figure things out on my own. Four months in, my supervisor left, and I had no supervisor for many months. I was so stressed--I felt like I had no idea what I was doing, I had no training, no one to turn to for help, and one of the higher-ups had taken me to task for a few things. I was getting sick all the time, and I honestly felt like I was losing my mind, and genuinely worried that there was something wrong with my brain. I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't remember things, I got flustered really easily, I was having trouble sleeping. I realized that I was stressed and depressed! Even just discovering that made me feel better, as I knew there wasn't anything "wrong" with me, I was just going through something stressful and hard, and it would get better. I utilized some resources through work to get some help, and things did get better.

I wonder if there is a respite program or caregiver support program where you are? Such a program might have some good help and resources for you, such as some respite care to give you a break, or counseling available to help you with coping. You might contact your local Area Agency on Aging to see if there's anything like that available--if you don't know the AAA, you can use a search tool on eldercare.gov website and search by city/state or ZIP code.

Be sure to practice good self care. I have been taking care of my mom for over 3 years and I haven't loved myself as I should in many ways. It is stressful and exhausting. I find a walk each day helps if you can leave the house. It is good for the mind, body and soul. Also, get a calendar with big spaces and write out "to do" list for each day and check it off. It feels good. Every day, contact a friend for a phone chat or invite them to coffee even for 30 minutes...For me, prayer helps and "letting go" of the need to control each situation. That was me...it still is, but I am trying each new day to do better.  God bless you on this path. It is not easy.

What a great post!! I have started to be "forgetful" too and have been really worried about it--although no type of dementia runs in the DNA, I know it's still a possibility!

I most assuredly run under a LOT of stress at times. Have been working on letting go of a LOT of things I can't change. I sleep terribly---up 4-6 times a night. I have been on so many meds to help me sleep, and most nights, I just...don't. (PTSD side effects, so at least I have name to put to the problem--but I can't seem to solve it!)

I am also a huge fan of calendars and post it notes. I keep one BIG calendar in the kitchen that is for 'family' but it's really just for me. All appts., general 'need to know' stuff is written down, along with all birthdays I want to remember. This is for DH too, but he puts stuff in his phone--and then forgets it, so I am not real impressed by the phone being my backup.

Once I have written down the events, I can relax. It's like my brain is on the calendar.

Back in the day when all 5 kids lived at home, I was on 3 PTA boards, hubby traveled 3 weeks a month, I had a very stressful church calling--I was a Franklin Covey devotee!! I kept the pages from about 7 years of that period of my life--I look at them and can't believe how much I did in a day/week/month.

Also, I have found my ALEXA to be a huge help. I tell 'her' to remind me of something and when I ask her what I needed to remember, she does. I can plan a shopping list over the course of a few days and it is transferred to my phone, automatically.

I'm glad to know I am not alone.

If you can get into a clinical study, that’s probably the best way to get any real answers since they will do a baseline assessment and provide all kinds of testing cost free. You may even be paid to participate. I’m 56 and in the same boat as you. Nobody thinks it’s anything more then caregiver stress. Stress can mimic dementia symptoms and vice versa I keep being told. Doctors I’ve been to all say the same thing. However, I am beginning to believe I know more about dementia and Alzheimer’s then some of the doctors do. Getting second and third opinions isn’t possible when you have no job because you are or have been a caregiver. There is the memory screening test that docs do. I scored 1 point higher then my dad did when I was given that test. One year later he can’t do anything for himself other then eat and use the toilet. Not really encouraging being told,” it’s just stress, you are fine” when you go back repeatedly stating you are concerned but you can’t afford further testing and your insurance won’t cover it.

I always say that dementia is contagious. You do get very distracted caring for someone else's needs as well as your own and trying to be a constant safety net. I'll bet mothers of toddlers feel the same way.

I also noticed that I am very tired at the end of the day when I've been looking after my parent but when I get a day off, I can be rather productive. And that's not tiring.

Before you self diagnose, try some of these things, which may seem silly or ridiculous, but they REALLY can improve your memory...and in a very short time.
*Brush your teeth with your opposite hand.
*Turn some pictures in your home upside down.
Doing these things will cause your brain to make some new connections, and you may notice within a week (I did!) some improvement. My MIL also noticed improvement when she began the teeth brushing thing. The hardest part was to remember to do it, lol. I put a post-it on the bathroom mirror. I had read these tips years ago in some article...there were other tips, but these two were the easiest. I hope that this will be all you need, and not a new doctor.

Count me in as a member. My mom has a tiny sore on her tailbone, which is healing nicely. The other day I took her to the bathroom and was able to see in the mirror that her bandaid - tape, pad, etc., on the sore - had come off. I managed to slap a bandaid on her quickly while I had her standing and left a note to the helpers that I need to know if it ever falls off so I can put on a new one. A few hours later I took her to the bathroom again and in the mirror saw that everything was on - bandaid, tape, etc., even though previously I had just slapped on the bandaid - no tape, no pad. I was so surprised I almost dropped her. Couldn't see to tell if I had just put another bandaid on the original or just what was going on. Will see when I next check her out. Swear to God there was nothing on her when I took her to the bathroom the first time. Spooky!

I disagree that it is "normal." I recommend that you be evaluated. If your own MD won't listen, then go to somebody who will.

Don't mean to scare you - but the median age for Alzheimer's disease is now only 62. One should not rule out that you could be developing some type of memory illness yourself.

Tree- so glad there were 5

Hey my Dad had mid stage Alz and Mom had Dementia for 15 years.... and the GP they were seeing didn't notice anything wrong. I was finally able to get them into the Cleveland Clinic where they were properly diagnosed.

For myself I've noticed a rapid decline in memory and yes while I do have a lot going on at the same time, this is much worse than normal. Just did a bunch of tests yesterday, and hoping this is more of a Thyroid problem than a blockage problem.

At any rate, I mentioned that I wanted to get a referral for the Cleveland Clinic, so that I could make an appointment, and the doctor was happy to comply - even agreeing that it would be a good idea. From everything I'm reading, both Alz and Dementia can be managed diseases, especially when caught before much of the brain damage has been done.

RobinR makes some good points. Getting yourself checked out thoroughly, might give you peace of mind, even if the memory issue is due to stress.

I will admit that when I was trying to care for my LO with dementia, work full time, care for senior parents, etc. IT was VERY stressful. It caused me many health problems, in addition to playing havoc on my mental state. I was convinced that I had to have some kind of cognitive decline. I was so afraid. But, I got my physical health on back on track, got help for LO so, relief from caregiver overload and starting taking Coconut oil capsules (I know it sounds odd and isn't proven, but, it does help me. I take fish oil too.) And before too long I was feeling much better and even better than I had in many years. So, I was wrong about it.

I hope you can find your answers. I'd consider options though, because sometimes, it's just that you need respite.

Check your meds--I had a problem with my memory several years ago--to the point that it was affecting my job. Looking into a possible cause, discovered that one of the possible effects of a couple of meds was memory issues. Stopped taking the statin drug, and in two weeks it was like a fog lifting, and the improvement was amazing. Still not totally cleared, but enough to be basically functional. Every now and then I lose the word I want, or leave something in the wrong place and can't find it, but I at least remember what I'm looking for!

Stress and lack of sleep can wreck havoc with your mind and memory. That being said it sounds like you would like something more official (for lack of a better word) to let you know if something else is going on. If your primary care doctor is not listening I would make an appointment with a geriatric and or psychiatrist for an evaluation. If they don't find anything it will give your some peace of mind and one less thing to worry about. I belong to Kaiser Permanente for medical care and they offer the option of a geriatric assessment which is partially a brain check up as well as a review of all your medications prescription and over the counter to make sure that nothing is contributing to any memory issues.

To assume it is stress and lack of sleep probably won't ease your mind. It might be, but it might not be, related to being a caregiver. I have been there but didn't understand the fog until I finally came out of it. However, unless you get properly checked out by a competent neurologist or memory care specialist who will do a full work-up, you will not know IF it could be something else. Don't just assume just Alzheimer's either. Your local Alzheimer's Assn should have names of referrals. I hope all turns out well for you.

You all have encouraged me. I too have been very concerned about my memory and lack of initiative. My husband has been in memory care almost four months and I thought I would have gotten my zip back by now. What I am finding is that I am more depressed as I see him losing ground. Is it because the day to day pressure is over and reality can set in? I feel like I am in limbo and unable to get all those projects done that were just waiting until my caregiving at home was over. I visit every day and he is well cared for so I feel I have no excuse for my lethargy.

Heysilky,

Of course if your memory problems have you worried absolutely find a Dr for an evaluation.

I just remembered something I will share.

My Mom was evaluated by a Geriatric Psychiatrist for a mood disorder after she had developed Dementia. There was a point that this Dr thought Mom might not have a true Dementia at all but a pseudo dementia caused by a Depressive Disorder.

Just thought I would throw that out there as another avenue you might want to explore.

So why is it I can remember everything for my mom but not for myself? LOL no problem with her after noon or nighttime meds and now that we had an abscess on her pubic area surgical lanced and scraped as much as she could stand...... I fall into bed to wait and make sure she falls out solid and then I forget to take mine! Results: my Fibro flares, I have to get up more often to potty and have to run before I tend to her!!!

Franklin Covey...wondered why that sounded familiar.

I have a black zip binder/planner that I used a lot when my kids were in High School. I bought current pages for it but haven’t used it for a couple months. I just pulled it out. It’s a Franklin Covey.

My family has always called it MY BRAIN!

heysilky, I would NOT ignore your own assessment of your cognitive capacity. I would definitely see a neurologist.

I was going to respond, but I forgot what the topic was..... 🤔

I'll bet quite a bit that your memory issues are due to tiredness & nothing else - the mere fact you notice means that you are on the ball quite a bit - you may have a slight case of caretaker burn-out - is there anyway you can get off for 7 to 10 days for your 'battery' to recharge -

Not a go go go vacation rather pick a water side place for long walks, a hammock in the sun, dinner out that is served nicely, a bottle or 2 of wine, close to a morning coffee shop that has speciality baked goods so good that you are picking tomorrow's before you leave, a spa day etc - you get the pix just relax & enjoy

If there are siblings then tell them[DON'T ASK] that you are going away & give them a choice of 2 or 3 time slots & if they can't accommodate then they pay for help so you can recharge - it will be good for you both - leave your cell phone at home too so that you are not on call continuously

Maybe someone already said this (I didn't read all the responses) but I suggest you keep a log of the times you were concerned about your memory. Saying "I'm having trouble with my memory" is very vague. Saying "I left the water running in a stopped sink for an hour." or "I left a pot boiling on the stove until it boiled dry" is less vague. You want to show that you have memory lapses that are not temporary and that are impacting your daily activity.

Doctors will blow you off. Absolutely and positively. But you know yourself better than anyone. If you are concerned, don't stop asking for help. Memory problems can be caused by lots of physical things that can be alleviated. Thyroid trouble, low B vitamins, dehydration, UTI...all can affect your memory. I find the Nurse Practitioners are more open to hearing my concerns without patting me on the head and sending me on my way.

If the doctor responds with some version of "I wouldn't worry about it", politely ask that they consider what else it could be besides nothing. Good luck.

Thank you, thank you, thank you all ! I really appreciate the replies & suggestions to my post & feel a whole lot better about this issue. As far as stress goes, I’ll say that just logging on to this forum to read all the comments that y’all share has really made me feel less stressful. Y’all, yourselves have gone and are going through so much and your empathy & compassion for others is commendable. Plus, I’ve begun seeing a therapist & after just two sessions she has taught me so much about my narcissistic sister whom I’ve had such obsessive anger issues about. She suggested that when I think about her (my sister, not my therapist!!) I picture her in a hospital gown because my sister is ill. Wow! What a simple but effective idea. It really helped tone down my anger.

Thanks again...so much. This is a jewel of a forum

I find myself forgetting more and more, too. But, I am doing the things that help the memory. Exercise is a biggie. Water aerobics, dance (in the pool for me) and even lifting weights are memory builders. I have sleep apnea, too, and use my CPAP machine faithfully. That poor sleep is a memory killer. I am trying to learn a foreign language--another thing that builds memory. If there is something that research shows helps the memory, I am game to try it. Memory loss may still happen, but if I can slow it down and function longer, I want to do that. I am POA for a friend I got into a memory care apartment, so I see a lot of people with memory issues and a taste of what may lie ahead for me. All the more incentive to do what I can to work on this issue. With my friend in a good place for memory issues and my being retired, I can try these things that are supposed to help and build them into my week. I also work crossword puzzles each day--the easier ones anyway. I encourage you all to look into the things that build memory capacity and perhaps be able to forestall this from happening or getting worse.

As a stay at home mom, I had these issues. After thinking about it, I believe much of what caregivers do and full time moms or dads is a little repeticious, often monotomous and easily forgetable! I agree, having a system, planner is very helpful!

Sometimes I wonder where my memory has gone. I don't know how much the stress of caregiving contributed and how much is aging. I'm disappointed with it, but not terribly worried.

In the ten years I cared for my husband, I think I missed his pill doses twice. For myself, I miss pill doses at least twice a month. I missed trash pickup day a couple of times this winter. I never forgot mealtimes when I was taking care of Coy. I regularly get involved in something and keep going without stopping to eat.

I've never been good with names. I'm pretty hopeless now.

heysilky, what kinds of things are you forgetting? If you forget that Tuesday is trash pickup day, or you thought today was Monday, oh well. If you can't remember what a waste basket is or why there is one in your kitchen, that is considerably more concerning.

So you forget what day it is. Do you remember how to find out? Are you mostly forgetting facts (who is vice president?) or processes (how to I use this coffee maker?)

I suggest keeping track of things you forget (after you remember that you forgot them, of course.) so you can discuss it more specifically with your doctor.

Meanwhile, relax. Stress isn't good for you memory, you know!