How to stand up for yourself without being rude or childish?

Not my biz, so no need to answer if you don't wish but are you also a paid caregiver?

If so, do have an agreement? Agreed days on, days off, pay rent or as part of your arrangment?

Just wondering if this is a professional arrangment or more of a personal one?

Who made the decision that you would be involved in caregiving as well as the morning aide? And why? What extra did they expect you to do? Would it work if you left her to do the morning jobs, and took over after she left? Many carers would give their eye-teeth to have mornings off!

Whoever organised this didn’t do it well. Who is boss ? Her or you? Or the elders - and if so is that practical? Can they organise the dynamic a bit better? While you need to work co-operatively together, you both still need to know what the pecking order really is. Your post reads as though you think you are boss, while she thinks that she is still in charge.

You want to know how to have your own way ‘without being rude of childish’, but for that to happen everyone needs to know who is in charge.

Great responses from posters! I agree with all of them. What I find concerning is, your statement that she is she doing things that goes against what nurses disagree with.

As far as chores go, that can easily be discussed between the two of you. Funkygrandma’s suggestion of creating a ‘chore chart’ is fabulous!

Best wishes to you and your aunt and uncle.

The thing that jumped out at me from your post was the remark that she "went to my uncle asking him to ask me to let her know". If communication between you is being filtered through your uncle (or aunt) that has to stop, anything that needs to be communicated needs to be done so directly between the two of you - that way you are not getting sucked into a triangular "he said she said" dynamic, which is never productive (and often toxic). If she continues to try to send messages through your uncle ask him to stop what he is saying and tell him that you will contact her directly to find out what she needs instead.

She has also been ruling the roost for a while. Now she has someone overseeing her. Can you not just let her do what she has been doing. That is what she has been paid for. And you take the time she has been there to get away for a while. Do your thing. Don't do what she feels is her job.

Perhaps it would be helpful to you both if you together create a "chore" chart, and then decide who will do what, and initial when it's done. That will save from any confusion, and make for a more cohesive environment. Because you're the "newbie"(and family) she may feel a bit threatened by you, so by you suggesting that you both work together on this chart, might make her feel a little more secure and open to having you there. I wish you well.