My mum has Alzheimer's. She lives in an over 55s village, where she is safe and loved. She has a carer to take her shopping every Friday. I give her $200 one week and $100 the next that is for food and incidentals only. I pay all her bills/medication etc. She is on a pension, so there is no more money. She can spend $300 in a week. She doesn't understand when the money runs out. I don't know how to stop it, I explain that I have no more money to give her. She has now started to call me a thief, a spy, I invade her privacy, taken her licence off her and control her life. I now dread answering the phone or visiting, because nothing is nice anymore and all I get is abuse. I'm doing my best to make sure she is safe, loved, gets everything she needs etc. but her venom is driving me to crazy. I don't want mum to have this, she is 72, and I don't know how much longer I can keep "my chin up", as everyone who has a fleeting hour with her can tell me. Does anyone have any advice on how they dealt with finances?

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YOU take her shopping as part of your visits with her. When you hand an ALZ or dementia'd loved one, you're asking for just the kind of trouble you're having. PLUS it becomes very tempting for people to take advantage of her. Her caretaker comes to mind.

Oh, yeah, she'll cry abuse, but let it go in one ear and out the other...just like SHE did when YOU were a little brat. ;)

She could be flushing the money down the toilet for all you know. Mom wasn't doing THAT, but she did cut up eight $100 bills to teach us OUR lesson.

If she needs spending money for her complex, establish an account with them. They'll track how she spends it.
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Either (a) cut the allowance (b) require receipts although I doubt she'd give them to you or (c) do the shopping yourself (d) get her a credit card with a lot upset limit, or (e) get a credit card only for grocery stores.

$300 for 2 weeks is a lot of spending money.

I do wonder as well where all the money is going and think a check as GeeWhiz suggests might be a good idea to see if the house is filled with stuff.

What's meant by "taken her licence off her" - are you restricting her driving, which does sound like a good idea.
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If you live close enough, can you visit the house while she is out shopping? Assess what the situation is-- is she hoarding? Buying things she doesn't need? Are there bags of purchases in closets, etc. (If so, can you pack them up and return them and add that money to her future allowances? ) Is it possible the 'carer' is usurping some of the funds for his/her own use?

With dementia the person looses their filters and judgement. She may be giving the money away or she may be taken advantage of quite easily. Things may be stacked to the point of hoarding. She may even be misplacing the money. (check pockets inclothing and purses) Be outside in your car when she returns from 'Friday shopping'. See what comes into the house and how much it cost. It will give you a better idea of what is happening.
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Take away her plastic and restrict her to cash, then she can't spend more than she has with her.
If she starts berating you when you visit or on the phone you explain that you aren't going to listen to that c#%p and get up and leave/hang up. The hard part will be her bad-mouthing you to all and sundry and there is little you can do to stop that. Those who know you realize that what she says isn't true, you don't need to bother with what the others think.
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