My mother who is 89, 90 in Sept is suffering with memory loss and beginning dementia. I’ve tried to tell her it’s time for AL but she is very stubborn and thinks it’s a nursing home and refuses to even visit to see for herself. She says she doesn’t want to leave her house, which she lives by herself. She does forget things that she has done for years and says she just started doing it. For instance, like opening up the garage door (which is attached). I had to write a note with directions how to do it in the morning. She does do it. But then there are other times where she’ll have anxiety and she’ll call me and I have to talk with her for a little bit till she settles herself down. It’s very difficult for me being the only child, my older sister passed 9 yrs ago from cancer. She does remember old memories it’s more of the short term memory that she’s losing. I would just like to see her in assisted living where there are other people for her to talk to and I believe she’d be more happy there. But she refuses to even visit. I do go see her everyday to give her her medicine. Just trying to figure things out. It’s so difficult.

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Yes, it is the short term memory thing. Lordy I am 78 and couldn't think of the flower's name--nasturtium -- the other day. A lifelong favorite. I couldn't believe it. An hour later I wanted to send up a rocket! NASTURTIUM! I GOT IT.
I would sit her down, your Mom. I would tell her what you told us, the things you KNOW indicate there are problems. She is knowing what is happening, trust me. In the beginning they almost always do and become desperate to hide it. My bro was diagnosed with early Lewy's virtually in front of me, and we talked about it all the time, what was happening, what was a good day and what wasn't, how he saw the world differently, how patterns could make him hallucinate, how real his hallucinations were. But it is because we were just so all of our lives kind of Hansel and Gretel in the forest of life. We always held hands in the tough time. Mom will fear losing control and Dee told me that was such a fear for him, of finances, of his meticulous way of approaching life.
So be honest that you are seeing changes. Then tell her "I will be here for you. We will walk this walk together. I will be here when you cannot make decisions. We will be together. I will never abandon you. I will take care of you when you cannot make decisions, the best way I am able".
Tell her that she should go to the doctor now for an initial exam so that they can give her meds that will help delay problems (I think there are none proven, but it is hope and you will have an initial assessment).
Tell her you need to think ahead, and so will visit together to see places that can help when she needs them. She may be surprised to be charmed by some Assisted Livings. I am thinking I want to go to one myself, after my Bro's treatment at his the last year of his life! REALLY. I asked myself if I could take the desert heat or not.
So be as honest as you can. And tell her that now, while she can, is the time you both should get everything in order (Will, DPOA, etc) for when you might need it if she cannot act in her own behalf. The Health Care directives, and etc.
Be as honest as you can if you believe she can take it, and then walk the walk together.
I am 78. I have already discussed so much of this with my daughter, but I am a nurse. She knows what I want. She knows where everything is. I know she will act for me in my interest when I cannot and I assured her it is what I want. But I am an old nurse, so saw things, and knew to start early.
Hopefully your Mom will listen to you. If not, be ready to know all you can now, and to seek guardianship or conservatorship if you must. Prepare. Wish you the very best of luck, and one caution, be honest. Be as honest as you can. And as gentle. Start with "I know this could hurt and worry you......BUT......and then talk with her over coffee or tea.
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