How much of my dad’s financial information do I need to share with my brother?

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I’m my dad’s DPOA.

Answers 1 to 8 of 8
Top Answer
It depends. Are you and your brother on good terms? My brother and I know all about our mom's finances. We both help her, he financially, and me time.

If you're not on good terms with your brother and he has little or nothing to do with the caregiving, then you don't need to share any information. He has no right to it unless he's a co-POA or has been assigned a responsibility for your dad that requires such information.

If there is a will or trust and he is mentioned in the documents, and is due an inheritance then he has the right to know what he is getting.

Why do you ask? Is there a conflict?
I agree, it depends.

1. What does your DPOA documentation say about keeping other people informed? Anything?

2. If it doesn't say anything, then you refer back to your father's habits when it came to discussing finances and his affairs in general. If it was his habit to keep his children in the loop, then you do that unless you have good reason not to.

3. If you have sound reasons to think that your father in his right mind would not have shared financial information with your brother, then you comply with that. You do have a general duty of confidentiality to your father, if you'd need to explain to your brother why you're not telling.

4. If you don't have any guidance from these points one way or the other, then you are entitled to do what will give you a quiet life and an easy conscience. You should in any case be keeping good records; it shouldn't be too difficult to summarise these ready for sharing with anyone who is entitled to know.

I also second the question: why do you ask? Would you like to say a little more about what is happening?
My dad’s wife filed for divorce after 41 years. They asked me to help with my dad’s health and I agreed. Then she left the state when he was in the hospital having back surgery. It was then that my dad realized he no longer had her to help him with his finances and asked me to help him because he couldn’t. He asked me to be his DPOA and I asked if he wanted my brother to step in if I couldn’t and he said, “ no way in hell” and then asked if my husband would do it if so couldn’t. My dad and brother have had a strained relationship since my brother could walk and talk. My dad’s dementia has worsened over the past months and my dad is now at the paranoia stage. He doesn’t trust me or anybody else. Fortunately, he’s living in a fantastic memory care facility close to me and his sisters and is doing very well.
However, his wife will not answer to my dad’s divorce attorney to finalize the divorce. I refuse to spend any more time and money that is needed for my dad’s care to get her to cooperate and finalize the divorce. My brother seems to think I should be including him in all correspondence with the attorney, accountant, doctors, etc. When we ask him if he’d like to help by taking him to the dentist or taking him to get blood work, he says he can’t because he has to work. He’s not concerned about my dad’s well being in the least. His greed makes me sick. Now he’s harassing me about my dad’s decision not to include him as DPOA. He doesn’t seem to understand my duty ends upon my dad’s death. I’ve given him no reason to question my decisions. Everything is rock solid and clearly in my dad’s best interest. My records are meticulous. However, he is so concerned with his inheritance that he can’t see straight and rationalize. He’s literally harassing me with phone calls, multiple emails, and constant ridiculous text to not only me but my husband while he’s at work. We’ve explained everything multiple times. I’m at my wits end.
From what you wrote, your brother is NOT legally entitled to any of your dad's infancial information. What he is doing is HARASSING you and it is wrong and illegal.

What you need to do is to pay an attorney to write you a 'cease and desist' letter. That letter should tell him to stop harassing you or else (your attorney should inform you of the further legal steps you can take.) Most likely, a threatening letter from an attorney will be enough to get him to stop.
"He asked me to be his DPOA and I asked if he wanted my brother to step in if I couldn’t and he said, “ no way in hell”"

Let me stop you right there.

Would you say that your father's wishes are clear when it comes to how much of his financial information he wants shared with your brother?

Explain to your brother that your father's instructions regarding the sharing of financial information were explicit and you have a duty of confidentiality. Keep him informed of developments that he actually needs to know about - such as where your father is, even what his marital status is if you like; but in your own mind be very clear about treating your father's financial and legal information as though you were his bank or his attorney: you are not free to disclose it.

"Sorry bro. Hey, my hands are tied."
PS You will sleep better and spend less time fighting off nausea if you put all of the emotions related to your father's and brother's strained relationship in the 'too difficult' box and shut the lid on it. That includes being disgusted with your brother: you don't know how it feels to have a Dad you feel aggrieved about, don't forget. Refuse to be involved.
Thank you. I do feel bad for my brother, but I also feel an obligation to my father. Sometimes it’s a fine line.
"Not my circus, not my monkeys" is such a useful mantra I always think! Refuse to be a victim of the crossfire, if you'll forgive the mixed metaphors.

And meanwhile, your father's wishes are very clear and yes as his POA you have no choice in the matter, you do literally, legally have an obligation to him.

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