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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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So your MIL is living with you and your husband? What bills is your MIL paying if she is living with you? Did your MIL appoint your Husband as her Durable POA and POA-Health Care? Are there any of your MIL's bills (such as health, life insurance, Medicare supplemental health insurance?) that can be put on automatic payment plan? Does your MIL use "online banking"?
When my Mom's lived at home, I assisted her with writing checks and paying bills. I did monitor my Mother's checking account(s) via "online banking" as it was easier to get an account balance for her whenever she wanted one (which was almost everyday). I did set up the "online banking" with Mom's approval and I would print out summaries of Mom's checking accounts for her to review. But it also allowed me to keep track of any checks that she wrote that I had not assisted her with. {Just something for your husband to think about in case he needs to monitor his Mother's checking account in the future.}
Thank you thank you for your answers .you are making sense. My husband and I are new at this. His mother (the one are keeping ) is slowly slipping away. She is really all together and the next day it's a different story. We have moved her from her home and she wants to go home . She is still writing her own checks for bills and tries to balance her checkbook. She is saying that she is visiting and wants to go home. This move is only a week old. So your answers are a god send to me. Any suggestions are welcomed.
On this site, when someone posts and says their LO (loved one) wants to “go home” we often advise that they be told “We’re having the house fixed up for you while you’re away.” Of course, the house is never “finished” but the excuse seems to placate the person.
Let her do her checks as long as she can, but keep a supervisory eye on it. We have posts from caregivers who tell us their LO have gotten into deep financial do-do when checks bounce or when their LO orders things they don’t need. At $33 Service fee for a bounced check, it can add up fast! 🙁
Also, some unasked for advice, but it is given with the best of intentions; as was said, trying to reason with, correct, dissuade. convince or otherwise argue with someone with dementia who is insistent on something is futile, annoying and stressful to all parties. We say “agree and redirect”. Change the subject and suggest going out for a walk or sharing coffee over an old photo album.
And, one more thing. Dementia is a mean and nasty disease. There is no reverse gear. Sometimes I think the disagreeable traits our LO had before dementia are magnified by it. It is no shame and not dishonorable to admit it’s defeated you and Mom needs to be placed in a facility. Even if you promised her and everyone else that you’d NEVER put her in a nursing home. At what price to your own sanity? It hurts my heart when caretakers post here and rant about how they absolutely hate their LO and will do literally anything to get out. I’m sad this is how they will remember their LO. Make sure you and your husband and his family, if any, have a plan of action in effect if this happens.
Not much information here. What is the person you are caring for being unreasonable about?
The simple answer, Judy, is that you don’t try to reason with them. Your profile says you are caring for someone with dementia. People with that disease firmly believe what they say. You cannot tell them they’re wrong. You cannot get them to see your side of the argument or discussion. You will only frustrate yourself and anger them if you persist in correcting them. Their brains, as we say here, are broken. If you find yourself trying to reason with the person you are caring for and you are becoming angry and stressed, leave the room.
I'm going through something similar here... I've decided that you cannot have a rational conversation with someone who isn't being rational. Is this person being unreasonable because of some kind of mental defect (dementia) or because they are stubborn or possibly both?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
When my Mom's lived at home, I assisted her with writing checks and paying bills. I did monitor my Mother's checking account(s) via "online banking" as it was easier to get an account balance for her whenever she wanted one (which was almost everyday). I did set up the "online banking" with Mom's approval and I would print out summaries of Mom's checking accounts for her to review. But it also allowed me to keep track of any checks that she wrote that I had not assisted her with. {Just something for your husband to think about in case he needs to monitor his Mother's checking account in the future.}
Let her do her checks as long as she can, but keep a supervisory eye on it. We have posts from caregivers who tell us their LO have gotten into deep financial do-do when checks bounce or when their LO orders things they don’t need. At $33 Service fee for a bounced check, it can add up fast! 🙁
Also, some unasked for advice, but it is given with the best of intentions; as was said, trying to reason with, correct, dissuade. convince or otherwise argue with someone with dementia who is insistent on something is futile, annoying and stressful to all parties. We say “agree and redirect”. Change the subject and suggest going out for a walk or sharing coffee over an old photo album.
And, one more thing. Dementia is a mean and nasty disease. There is no reverse gear. Sometimes I think the disagreeable traits our LO had before dementia are magnified by it. It is no shame and not dishonorable to admit it’s defeated you and Mom needs to be placed in a facility. Even if you promised her and everyone else that you’d NEVER put her in a nursing home. At what price to your own sanity? It hurts my heart when caretakers post here and rant about how they absolutely hate their LO and will do literally anything to get out. I’m sad this is how they will remember their LO. Make sure you and your husband and his family, if any, have a plan of action in effect if this happens.
The simple answer, Judy, is that you don’t try to reason with them. Your profile says you are caring for someone with dementia. People with that disease firmly believe what they say. You cannot tell them they’re wrong. You cannot get them to see your side of the argument or discussion. You will only frustrate yourself and anger them if you persist in correcting them. Their brains, as we say here, are broken. If you find yourself trying to reason with the person you are caring for and you are becoming angry and stressed, leave the room.
It's maddening, I know.
You can empathize with the feeling ( I'm so sorry your purse is missing. Can I help look for it after dinner?)
You can distract, redirect with another activity, with food, or music.
You can Google Teepa Snow and watch her videos.
It's so very frustrating!