My mom has been the sole caregiver for my father who has Alzheimer's. He has been mentally declining, and we've begun to look for placement for him. He is 88, she is 84. I've been staying with them around the clock for the past month, as my mother has been weak from a recent serious medical event and hospitalization. And now, time is of the essence because she has advanced cancer with only weeks to live. My goal for her is peace, which means getting him out of there. She is all for this, as he badgers her, tells her she's stupid, etc. He's not a "happy drunk". He is a "mean drunk". Yet there are moments when he tells her he can't live without her, etc. I have 2 questions: 1-how do you place someone, knowing it will be against his will, and he will probably go down swinging? How do you physically do this?
2- Do we tell him she is dying? Will he be aware, or forget the next day? Hospice is about to come in, which will be just more confusing for him. But for her sake, he needs to be out. She works too hard at trying to answer him, console him, explain to him, etc.