My 90 year old mother still lives independantly and has home care once a week for an hour.
She has always favoured my second youngest sister and she and her husband have done some seriously deceiptful things behind Mums back for which I called them out for "Again" last fortnight
Obviously they have denied it.
I stayed away for 10 days thinking she might think about her behaviour to no avail when we went around about 4 days ago with a meal and some fresh sandwiches (She has been supplied with roast dinners and good meals by both my sister and I for a long long time).
My sister in law and brother were there and the minute we went into mums house we were confronted by my sister in law about how we had been treating Mum so badly and causing trouble in the family.
They havent spoken to us for 3 years and we still dont know why.
I think our mother has told so many lies they all beleive her.
I went in and said to my mother.
"Hi Mum. What is all this trouble and carry on that I am suppose to be causing in the family"?
She straight faced sat there and said "I dont know what your talking about"
The conversation pursued and my gorgeous husband who has always been so good to Mum and done so much for her when my brother in law does nothing asked my mother politely
"Why are you being so rude to us when we come around? We are only trying to help you and when we speak to you you ignore us"
Mum just sat there and the lies that spewed from her mouth ended up having me in tears to the point where I was almost hysterical.
She then said.
"Oh your good at bunging on the theatrics arent you"
Never was the case I was just so gutted with pain and hurt and could not believe the way she lied about everything and never batted an eyelid.
I tried to explain to her that I had been trying to ring her numerous times and she just claimed the phone wasnt working which is another lie.
I am a very smart woman and a phone does not dial a few times and then become busy.
Hubby then got out his mobile dialled her number and bingo.
The phone was working and that is when she really started to lose her shit and become even more vindictive and nasty and then started on Hubby who has no mother of his own and has always been respectful toward her but we just wanted to try to understand why.
By the time we left she still sat there and lied without batting an eyelid.
I have found that most times any liar will avoid eye contact, fold their arms or use other body language that is a dead giveaway but this was the most extreme example of "Dont want to hear your side of the story" we have ever experienced.
My hubby and I are gutted and on top of that I got a message from my youngest sister whom I am very close with asking me if I had written a letter to my Mother then if I had done the same to the other sister.
I was absolutely horrified that my Mother (if thats what you could call her) could make up such horrendous lies.
Apparently she claims she tore the letters up and put them in the bin.
The sister she adores will defend Mum under all situations and the time we spent with mother the other day just showed both Hubby and I just how strong a similarities they have.
My sister and her husband are typical Narcissists and anytime there is trouble in the family they or Mum are behind it.
All my friends and loved ones tell me
"You have to walk away or she is going to destroy you"
I dont feel guilty as I know I have done everything within my power to support and help our mother in her care but I wont put up with lies and deceipt
Can anyone help me deal with this and if so how.
I am as of this event stepping right back and I wont be calling her or visiting her anytime soon if at all.
I have to look after mine and my hubbys health for the sake of our only miracle child of 22. (Late life parents of 60 and 61 our son was blessed upon us at 39)
As a close friend of mine said.
"Your mother has lived her life to 90 but you still have your life to live."
We are gutted.