My dad has been dating this woman in his retirement community for years, problem is she is now declining more and more everyday since a fall she took, and I see him becoming down as well. What can I do to help him get through this process and not end up on his death bed as well? It was hard enough when my mother passes, I don't know what to do when this woman passes because he spends every hour of the day with her.

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Dear Petrie
Please accept my wishes, for the season and for having such a loving heart that reaches out.
My advice is that death is something we all know will happen, no matter what and we cannot stop it, we just have to accept it as part of life.
If your father spends so much time with her, he must be a very lucky person, to find someone to love again, which most people, never do. You have to help him to understand that she needs him now more than ever and he has to be strong for her. Tell him how very blessed he is, to have been given the opportunity to love again, but as life goes, nothing lasts for ever and we all have to accept it, at some point in our lives. It is never easy, but it has to be dealt with.
Ask your father, if he feels that his life was blessed by his girl friend and if he answers yes, than tell him that he has to be a blessing to her now, in that, he has to be by her side, in good health and condition as she would be worried about him also, and by him being in good health, he will, in some way, set her mind and heart at peace.
Tell him again, what a blessing she has been to him and like all blessing, it passes and we have to go on with the memory of that blessing, which will keep him, till it is time for them to meet again.
My very best to you and your father.
God bless
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HI sweetie first my heart go's out to you, because i feel you don't want to see your dad go through the pain as he must have felt when your mum passed on, this must be heart wrenching in it's self to you, but his love for this lady is beautiful that he must just want her to know that he is there to support her in her transition, and that takes, what i call real strength of love, and my advise to you would be to help him in this fact so that he feels you are supporting him in his near to be losing of another love one. So that when this ladies moment comes you are already holding his hand in the pain that is forth coming, so that when he loses one hand, yours is right there to hold after the moment of passing has passed, he sounds like a sound person with real love, let him feel your real love for him, by supporting in his losing, it will not be easy, but these times never are, for him and for you. I pray your love for each other will get you through. The main thing is to make him see that he's not alone in he's pain,that he has another kind of love standing by him, so as to lean on, so as to not fall.
May God's love for you, help you be strong for him
best wishes, and love in this moment Fernando
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Hi Petrie,
KelleyBean has an excellent thought that "staying strong for someone because you care", will get him through her passing. Afterwards, is where you can offer some important help for him.
I lost my husband this past year and nothing has been more devastating. I've been somewhat prepared for many years, but the absence of his presence for the first 6 months was heart wrenching.
Many friends think that after the initial week or two, the worst is over. That is NOT the case always. Weeks and months later are the most lonely and devastating. One of my girlfriends brought all these books on 'coping' with a loss. Nothing in that considerate offering helped me. In fact, for me, I had to move past the sadness fast. Although some people may need to read, discuss and be counceled through the grieving process, I think some situations like mine needed to 'jump' over the incredible sadness and get to a happy place quickly if at all possible.
After a lot of stumbling around trying to find my 'niche' and my happily-ever-after-place, I can honestly say that keeping busy with loved ones in your life and a needed purpose, to get up each day is essential.
Try to find an important job, project, or study that will interest his personality. Volunteering in the community can offer loads of ideas for anyone needing to be needed. Help him with that.
Be there for him as much as possible. Morning, noon and night. Little day trips with a bus tour, weekend get-aways and full week long vacations if affordable, are an excellent way to move on to see and do something new and different.
Most of all, your love and smiles and hugs with happy optimism about a new tomorrow will get him through an impossible time.
Don't forget too, there is simple medication to help the adjustments if needed.
Good luck to you and your dad. ~Sooz~
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I also would strongly reccommend that Hospice be contacted. These people are specially trained to give comfort to both the ill person as well as to family and friends. I used them-and now when I think back, I do not know how I would have got thru a dark time without there support. They will also continue with any needed counceling after one passes. I would not hesitate, but to call upon them-for an evaluation and then take matters from there.


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Hospice can often be helpful, offering personnel & groups to help family with the coming transition. At least locally, one does not
have to be using hospice services to make use of such counseling resources. Too bad some folks avoid hospice, maybe b/c they feel it is admitting defeat or giving in to despair or hopelessness. It was a godsend for my mother and our family, offering a wide variety of patient & family services -- starting midway through her illness and continuing for the family after her death. There are three hospice
organizations in my community. If you have such a choice, visit with each one before choosing one.
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Petrie, I really feel for you. I know it must be hard for YOU. I know there will be better advice from the wonderful people on this site, but here's my 2 cents for what it's worth.
My mom thinks a lot about her own passing and she is concerned about many things, but mostly, are WE going to be alright? We try to show a lot of strength around her. That we will be ok. Perhaps you need to let your dad know that. That his gf is probably worried about him also and if he wants to be there for her, then he needs to keep himself well? If your dad is in such a state that he is declining also because of her, then maybe hearing that she needs his strength and caring will help him recover. I hope you can take something from that. Take care :)
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