My mother developed aspiration pneumonia in the nursing home and was taken to the hospital. I OK’d the use of antibiotics but now that she is back at the home, we have had to have hospice step in. She is not responsive, not eating, taking in very little liquid (a tsp a few times a day) and no more antibiotics. She is on Morphine now. It was a shock to me that they can so matter of factly predict her death. It seems so cold to me. She turns 93 tomorrow. I feel on the cusp of breaking down. I’ve been through the death of so many— family, son, husband, but they were sudden. This drawn out suffering is so difficult to watch. OK, maybe on morphine, she is not suffering? How do you even know? I seem to be the only one that even noticed she occasionally stops breathing. I called it to their attention at the home and it was, "Oh! Well, we will start counting her breaths." She is transitioning, they said. Even before she was taken to the hospital I was the only one that insisted something wasn’t ‘right’. They finally decided I was right and called for an ambulance. Why am I the only one noticing these things!!??
How long can my mother live like this?
That is my question of the day.
My present LO has been “on hospice” for over a year. She was placed on hospice because her level of care warranted it.
My mother was placed on hospice when she began to refuse food or water, and soon afterward lapsed into agitated semi consciousness and then morphine was administered.
No morphine so far with my current LO. She is peaceful and relaxed, in spite of general physical deterioration.
I am totally in sync with your question. Those of us who love her expect “the call” at any time, painful to us for sure. Sometimes it seems as though nothing is easy in this world.
Hope it helps just a little for you to know that even if your question can’t be answered, at least it can be compassionately shared and u derstood.
Morphine is given to both assist in breathing and to medicate a patient to a level below the level at which we feel pain, even below the level of breathing, so that the bodies seeming struggles for breath and so on are not felt by the patient. That's the blessing of hospice. While hospice medication may mean an earlier death by some minutes, hours, even days, or not can't be known, but there certainly is less struggle for the person.
I am sorry for your loss. No matter the number of year, the amount of a good life, it is still painful to lose those we love and we all grieve differently. Only time can heal our loss and make our memories fond and happy rather than sad.
Continue to speak with Hospice. They are generally very good to answer questions. If they tell you things like "She is transitioning" then ask them to explain to you how they evaluate these things scientifically.
For myself as a nurse I am grateful you have given your Mom this relatively peaceful death; I hope in time you will recognize the great gift this is.
As to how long your Mom can go on like this, that is as individual to her as her own thumbprint is. No one can be certain; we read the signs we have learned and we make "educated guesses" and that doesn't really address grief and loss.
I wish you the best. I feel my Mom and Dad with me throughout my life, and I am 80, still seeing the world through their lives, still celebrating them. Your Mom will be with you always while you live. I know that doesn't address the grief; allow yourself this grief, for a life is worth grieving as it passes. Your Hospice can guide you in seeking grieving support and health ongoing. Their job doesn't end at the end of your Mom's life. They will contact you. Ask them for support.