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I moved my 93 yr old Mother who has dementia in with me 4 months ago. She is very verbally abusive to me. I have heart disease and now afraid she will cause me to have a heart attack. Placing her in a home is first choice but she has no means to pay and if I use my retirement then I will have nothing. Her deceased husband was a Veteran. Any information anyone could share with me on the process of getting her in a VA home. I know I start with calling them but thought someone who has been thru the process may have tips for me.


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I do not think the VA will accept non veterans. There is a VA programs for widows and widowers of Veterans who served in a time of war called Aid and Attendance. That might help pay for care.

However, I was told that to qualify, you pretty much have to be eligible for Medicaid anyway. Getting both A&A and Medicaid is theoretically possible, but it's rare.

A free consultation with an Estate Planning attorney in your area would be a good idea. Good luck!
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VA has told me not to count on my dad going to a VA nursing home. There are just three in our state and a very long wait list. First priority goes to veterans injured while in service and have at least 70% disability. My dad has a 40% disability from his time in the Navy. Second priority goes to those that RETIRED from the military and have at least a 40% disability. You may be able to receive Aid And Attendence but it only covers a maximum of $2200 month.
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I read another thread here about VA qualifying rules change on October 18 related to qualifying especially related to gifting of assets. If you see that as an issue you should apply soon.
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