My mom with Alzheimer's is constantly negative. How can I handle this behavior?

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Any advice on this situation with my mother who has significant alzheimers and the continuing negativity. SHe has several health issues and AD and is on meds for depression and now one for her aggresive behavior exhibited to professionals but it's the daily living with her ( in my home) and her very negative behavior. My two teens do not want to be around her and honestly I don't want to be around either. When outside I can say what a beautiful day and a nice breeze and her response it's cold and frowns so I offer to move her chair to the sun and she says no so I say walk into the yard and get some sunshine and she says she cant her foot hurts...... but this is the tip of the iceberg we have had some rough days the past week just yelling at me or my husband and I just ignore it knowing its the diesease but can only take so much. Advice?

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I am so sorry, Deej. I don't have any (good) advice for you, just want to let you know that I hear you and will pray for better for all of you.

My dad was like this - long before he was old, so I do understand. They are miserable and they take hostages. As miserable as they make us, they must be 100 times more miserable themselves. I can't imagine a life like this.

I did learn to just walk away when Dad would harp on the negatives endlessly. Didn't argue - it would have set him off and given him a target- I just walked away. Kind of like a child having a tantrum - how much fun can it be if there is no one to witness it? :)

I'm so sorry.
Deej this a terrible way to live day in and out. My Mom did this to me but off and on. Her moods sometimes were triggered by sugar spikes highs and lows. She seemed to be "triggered" by loud noise, control issues, the feeling of uselessness, and most of the time she was energized like the energizer rabbit on my down time. She is more stable on seroquel, it is not recommended (for alz/dem) due to harmful side effects but if you can record or document these events it is a better quality of life for everyone. Let's face it, is it better for her to live longer and in a bad mood or not as long but in a happier way. My Mom is the sweetest most loving angel on seroquel and quite the opposite without. Night and day my mothers heath is a concern but in her case it is needed. An alternative is to use psycology. Telling her she was smart and I was dumb. When driving I would act like I was lost and asked her to tell me where we needed to go. I'd give her basic house keeping, folding clothes, sweeping, harmless stuff and even if it were not perfect and I had to redo it she felt useful. Coloring or drawing and games like bingo or cards maybe even your kids could enjoy doing these things with her. Then there is music I tell this to everyone, it has a magical effect. It also helps, if you understand that in most cases the abuse is a test in a way. They will abuse the person they know no matter how much they abuse them that the loved one will never give up on them. So take it as a compliment. So now when my Mom gets mad at me I translate it into "I love you" . You can't change what comes out of her mouth but YOU can think about it in a possative way. good luck
Deej, first let me say that you are a godsend to be a caregiver! There is a special place in heaven for you. As you have already said, this is part of the AD disease process but it doesnt make it any easier on you or your family. Might I suggest when she gets really bad that you take some time for yourself and remove yourself for the situation. You have got to learn not to take it personally. I hope this helps and you can email me anytime!
I would imagine that your two teenagers also don't want to bring friends over because of grandmother. What is your husband's input on the situation. It sounds like medically things have declined to the point where your mother may need a nursing home. What you see now is only going to get worse as time goes by. BTW, how is your marriage doing amidst all of this negativity?
Well actually they just don't want like being here and want to go out. Of course I don't claim to have the perfect marriage and we have had our trials believe me in the past years ( he has hiw own issues) but he was all for having her here and still is tho he has a harder time seperating the diesase from her as she constantly says that he has her keys to her car and she wants them back to which she actually lost them her self which was a blessing in disiguise. He will start to get upset trying to convince her and I have to step in and stop him as I know it doesn't matter if she udnerstands it is not true.

To the first post she is on Wellbutrin, Lortensin for high blood pressure and Chlorpromaz ( generic I think) for her mood as I was told by one AD worker she has aggressive behavior. I think I will ask the dr about her meds and if there is anything else as I was also told if she were in a home they wouldn't put up with what I am having to put up with and would medicate her more.

I use to take her out more with us but got so tired of hearing her regrets for going out with me and it was too short of a trip to the store etc..etc.... I was trying to take her and include her in my life but there was always a problem with what I was doing so I quit taking her and just take her out for herself but still not enough appreantly.
I confess I know nothing about Alzhimers, but know a lot about behavior modification.
It works on every other person, so I'm wondering if it could help some here. Eye contact is the most reinforcing behavior, and the withdrawal of eye contact is the most effective way to extinguish unwanted behaviors. So I'm wondering if it would help to immediately withdraw eye contact and attention when confronted by negative behaviors?
If nothing else, it might help you! LOL!

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