My MIL is fixated on her TV she says it does not work. She phones and says we did not pay her bill (it is included in her rent) or batteries are dead in remote. I went over and TV works. She is still phoning lots about the TV. We will go over today and change batteries in remote. This started with her expecting to go to her grandsons grad dinner. She was not invited. We are going to try to take her to the grad ceremony. Not sure if she will make it or we will go crazy taking her. We have to take a 6:30 am ferry and then the bus. We will be over 11/2 hours early and be downtown. I know others have said it is too much for her but we will try. I do not want to drive over ferries are too busy and hard to get parked downtown. We would probably have to walk much farther. Taking the bus we do not have far to walk. If she can't get up early we will not go. It will depend on how she is the morning of.

Can people with dementia make up things to try to get you to visit them. I am not sure if that is possible or not. She said she was lonely (she lives in independent care) she has friends. A few hours later she is demanding we come over to fix her TV.

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For the love of God... DO NOT take her to the graduation!!

It’s nice of you to think of her but this will not be a good idea for you or her. It’s too much to ask of an elderly person with dementia. All of the noises, new scenery, crowds and going from car to ferry is going to confuse and agitate her. Nor will she really be able to process WHY she is there, as special as the occasion is. The next day she won’t remember why she was there, if she remembers anything.

A “we’ll try” approach won’t work either. Say you realize an hour after you pick her up that it was a bad idea... now what? One of you takes her back? One of you misses the ceremony?

When my husband’s grandmother was in MC, we’d take her out to lunch or just on a drive for the afternoon. Before long we realized this was doing more harm than good. We’d bring her back and she would think she was in a hotel in another city. Forgot where her room was, where the bathroom was, would be agitated then exhausted. Completely disoriented her and ruined the routine that kept her acclimated.

You don’t want to do this to her or yourselves. Promise.
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She has Dementia. She has probably forgotten how to use the remote. If its one with buttons for DVR and TV even the new Comcast ones, she maybe better with just volume and a channel changer and on and off. Theyvare on the internet. Not sure if you can still do it, set her up for just the stations she watches. If my husband wasn't a sports lover, I would go to basic TV.

I would not take her to the graduation. Too much. My Mom lasted about an hour anywhere we went. This makes for a too long day with too many changes. I would never have told her about the dinner or the graduation. I like the idea of a video or pictures.
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I do not jump when she says so but I thought that it would be good for her to go see her first grandson graduate. I am not convinced she will actually be ready or able to go when it is time.
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Ahmijoy May 2019
I’m glad you set limits. It sounded like you were “jumping” in your first post when you wrote you had to keep going there regarding the television.

Of course, it’s entirely up to you whether or not you go to the graduation. You know her the best. Would she understand what she’s seeing? Will the day prove to be so tiring for her that she might actually become ill from everything going on? What about hiring an Uber? It might be worth the expense.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out for you.
It’s easy for me to say this, but because when she says “Jump!” And you immediately say “how high?”, she has come to expect it.

Taking her to the graduation ceremony sounds like it will be just too much. It’s going to be an entire day, that starts very early, of different sights and sounds and she will become super stressed out. People with dementia don’t accept change well. You’ll have to worry about meals and potty times and what will happen if she has an accident. Or, what will happen if she has an anxiety attack. Or if she just plain gets tired. A Plan B, C and D would be necessary. Can you video the ceremony and show it to her later?

Can people with dementia be devious and make things up to force you to visit? Well, my mom was devious enough to try to trip the aides when they came into her room. But, more than deviousness, I think it’s obsessing about things. And, that’s very common in dementia sufferers. Mom is obsessing about the TV and the remote.

Could it be time to re-evaluate where she lives? She may be at the point where she needs more help and supervision, someone who can come in and check her TV so you don’t need to.
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anonymous828521 May 2019
Wow, I agree with Ahmijoy cuz taking her out would really be awful. I now hire a wheelchair van for my mother's trips (to dentist, eye Dr, ect). She stays in the ALF otherwise, even on holidays, cuz she's unsteady & uses toilet constantly. She tried to lay guilt trips on me, of course, but I don't listen. Back in 2013, I recall driving her to 4 different kinds of Drs, the hair salon, the grocery store, & the bank, blood lab, ECT all on a regular basis. She ran me ragged, & I don't recommend it. They can be devious & lie frequently to control & manipulate. (Give an inch & they take a mile). Good luck.
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