Mom is 85, has lewy body dementia. She wants to live with one of her kids but none of us wants to take it on. She doesn't want assisted living what are her other options?

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Keep this at the forefront: Her safety and your sanity. That’s what it boils down to. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s extremely stressful.
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But when no one feels that they can, or want to, be a caregiver to Mom 24/7/365, the next best thing, AND QUITE POSSIBLY THE VERY BEST THING, is to find a very nice residential care site, and lovingly and confidently, to place Mom there.

And truthfully, those are the only options. And no one, NO ONE- should attempt to convince themselves or any of their siblings, that ANY of them should take on the responsibility, ESPECIALLY IF/WHEN NO ONE WANTS IT.

What you choose to do, if chosen with LOVE and RESPECT, IS RIGHT.
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Simple but not so simple answer is...
Mom has dementia she can not be decisional regarding her care.
If none of you can handle caring for her there are no other options.
And Assisted Living is not what you should be looking for. Memory Care would be a more appropriate place.
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What she wants and what she needs are two entirely different propositions.

She can hire 24/7 live in help or she can move to a facility that can meet her care needs. Those are the only options available in your situation.

Money is usually what determines the above.

She will only get worse and she will eventually need greater care than an AL can provide, keep that in mind when looking for places. You want to try and place her where she won't have any major moves in her future.

Best of luck, this is such a brutal disease and it is very hard on everyone.
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lkdrymom Feb 2021
This is true. What she wants is not what she necessarily needs. So many people have fallen into this trap....parent doesn't WANT to go to AL so the adult child must alter/give up their life to accommodate.
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