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My mother was on medication for many years. For the first ten or so it kept her well and active; but as time went on the side effects on her hearing, her voice, her terrible cough, her general sense of wellbeing were not good. A valve replacement wouldn't have helped her because the leak was caused by the valve being slowly pulled apart by her diseased heart muscle. The sad fact is that sometimes there just aren't any good answers.
Missy22011, this pain may be associated with the leaking valve. My mother had similar stomach ailments that ended up being related to her heart disease, although she did not have a leaking valve. It would be a good idea to bring this up with her cardiologist to see where the issue truly lies. Best of luck to you as well.
I would talk to your mother's doc about the risks of both leaving the condition alone vs. surgery. My personal belief is to not have invasive surgeries after 80 unless there is absolutely no other alternative.
Also, unless your mother is not of sound mind, she has made her wishes known.
Good luck...and, if necessary, please ask more questions