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I am unsure what to do, this may be long, but help would be much appreciated, I'm so worried.

As for a backstory, I'm 17 years old, just graduated high school, my father is 44 years old, and my grandmother is 78 years old.

My grandmother had a stroke about 6 years ago due to built up stress and lack of medicine because one of her sons passed away (she has two sons and a daughter, one died, my father is the other son) SO the son that passed away's kids were put under her custody and her new (adopted?) kids hounded her for money and called her every night begging for it, she ended up giving them money and not buying her medicine, getting stressed and stressed without medicine she finally had a stroke, and guess what, they don't even come see her or call her anymore.

Ever since she had a stroke, she couldn't live on her own, she started living with her daughter (my aunt) for two months, and my aunt couldn't handle it she said, and WE (my father and I) took her in.

My grandmother has been living with us for almost six years now. Things were fine the first four years, the past two, have been complete hell.

The WORST part of it is, when she doesn't sleep. When she doesn't sleep, she gets SO confused, she keeps imagining my father as a child thinking he's going to school, asking where he is, forgetting where she's at, becoming spiteful and mean and argumentative when you try to tell her the truth.

My father's name is Brandon, she always asks "Where's Brandon?" My dad will say "right here, I'm Brandon" then she replies "No not you, little Brandon, the other one." It drives him insane. Then she thinks my father is one of her brothers and accuses him of crazy things and even walks into his room at say 1-4 in the morning and wakes him up asking where little Brandon is and to take her back home (Even though she's been living here for 5 years) and when you tell her differently by telling the truth she calls you a liar and screams and cusses at you being completely rude and spiteful.

I don't know if that's early or escalating signs of dementia or Alzheimer's or what.. But it's really draining us. I don't want my dad to keel over from all this stress or have a heart attack or something... My parents are divorced and he's all I got. Nobody in my Grandmother's family comes to check up on her or help with her bills or anything.

She doesn't make enough money each month to go to a retirement home either, she makes about 800$ per month WITHOUT putting in the costs of her pills, diapers, food we buy her each week, AND NOW sleeping pills that rarely seem to work.

If we don't give her sleeping pills things become complete h*ll and she gets confused and insane.

Can anyone please give me advice what to do about all of this? It would be much appreciated.. I just miss my old grandma.. She's not her self.. far from it, especially when she doesn't sleep...

Thank you anyone who attempts to help, thank you very much... Sorry it was so long..

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I agree with Pam also tell her doctor your concerns..

If all she collects from social security is $800 a month then she'll probably qualify for medicaid.

Please tell your Dad your concerns regarding him and his health. Let him know that their is help available to take care of his mother..

Hugs to you, you are too young to have these problems..Will you've going off to college in September? Good luck!
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Take your GM to see a geriatric specialist doctor, or if you can't find one locally, start with an internist or primary care physician. Not recognizing your father, seeing him as a little boy, and other actions suggest some level of dementia.

There are folks here who know much more about qualifying for Medicaid than I ever could. Hopefully they'll offer some help on that issue, as it may be that your GM could either now or eventually benefit from an institutional placement.

If your father is committed to keeping her at home, ask the physician(s) you see to prescribe home health care for her; at least that would relieve part of his burden. Medicare will pay for a nurse, PT and possibly an aide, depending on the scope of the doctor's prescription. But it might only be for a limited time...still try to get that started.

Does your father have either a durable or medical power of attorney for GM? It might be too late for her to grant that authority to him, given the apparent dementia, but it's an issue that should be explored.

But first get her to a doctor for evaluation.

Your local Area Agency on Aging can be a big help, especially if they offer the Creating Confident Caregivers course (free). If not, they may have other written material on dementia that could help both you and your father.

If you can, try to provide some down time for him when he can get out of the house.
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Call your county social services office and ask for a social worker to evaluate her situation and make some recommendations. Most counties and towns have a good senior services office.
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