How to cope with a disaster in the making?

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My sister is 73 years old, she has been diagnosed with corroded dimensia and also behavioral issues (bi-polar, anger, just plain nasty, cruel to people around her, etc.)

She refuses any help because she doesn't need any help (in her mind)

She cannot remember from one day to the next about where she has been, who has been there, but she still thinks she has a car and 2 trucks and a home that was years ago, but in her mind it is today. She keeps threatening to go back home. I'm afraid she is going to walk away one day trying to go home.

She cannot remember to turn off the stove so we have unplugged it, if she microwaves something she forgets its in there until later or not at all.

She eats everything that is in her apartment daily, for example if you take 6 bananas, she eat all 6 before she stops. So therefore you have to take food everyday.

She doesn't remember to take her meds (says she don't take any) so you have to go give her her meds everyday.

She refuses to bath, doesn't want to go outside, doesn't want you to visit, just wants to be left alone (if I leave her alone she'll starve to death)

We have tried getting her qualified for Tenncare/medicaid which we finally got, and she is qualified to get meals and household aid.

Okay, we thought this will help we won't have to go everyday to see to her needs but we were wrong.

she refuses her meals, says she is capable of cooking for herself (which she is not)

She refuses to let the lady in most evenings (they are there for 2 hours to help with the cleaning and handing her her meds, encourage her to bath, etc.) They call me and I have to go over let them in, she is rude, angry, threatening and just down right mean to me and the caretaker.

I think she is mentally ill and is very hard to deal with. We were hoping to have her entered into a nursing home or assisted living but we were told she does not qualify for a nursing home since she can do many things on her on. She won't be accepted to an assisted living faciltiiy because of her behavioral problems, she is too mean to others.

Is there anywhere for an elderly person with behavioral problems to live? I don't feel she is not capable of living alone since she cannot cook for herself and refuses to have meals delivered, can't remember who comes or goes. I'm afraid she is going to be raped, beaten, robbed or worse. She needs to be somewhere she can be monitored. But that is easier said than done. She does not have any children to take her in.

She really needs to be somewhere that monitors seniors like her, maybe a house for people with behavioral issues. Is there any help out there.

I don't know where else to go.

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Unfortunately, kindness, in my experience, does not change the "crazies". She is mentally ill and needs treatment for that. I agree that she needs to be evaluated. What have the people who diagnosed her suggested? Obviously she cannot care for herself. A social worker should be able to assess that. My mother is mentally ill and also has vascular dementia. Once she was diagnosed and evaluated by a professional team, which included a geriatrician and a psychiatrist and more, she was assigned some help (community psychiatrist and mental health worker) which eventually got her into a geriatric psychiatric hospital where she is now and from where she will be placed in a facility that can deal with her and her problems. She was in an ALF and just got worse and worse - more and more paranoid - would not take the meds she needed and would not agree for any one to give them to her. I am in Canada so the system is somewhat different. I have POA financial and medical. Who has POA for your sister. Has she been deemed incapable of caring for herself? If she refuses medication, which she obviously needs, the time comes, in my view, that the meds must be given regardless. We have just been through this with mother and, fortunately after a couple of psychotic episodes, she has agreed t taking meds. Guardianship may be the way that your sister will get the help she needs, and that takes the pressure off the family, to a degree. I am 77 and my mother is102. My health is affected by the stress of trying to get her the help she needs. Your sister is 73 so I assume that you are a senior too. You need to look after yourself in all of this. It seems to me the professionals who diagnosed her should be more involved in seeing that she gets treatment. The psychiatrist here was going to forcibly take her to the psychiatric hospital if necessary, but, thankfully, at the last minute she agreed to go. Good luck to you and keep us updated.
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There is an Alzheimer's facility near you. Go up to the 'Search Site' box and type in "Clinton,TN" and hit enter. Talk to a facility near you about how they can help. I would strongly suggest Guardianship for her, either through social services or your own petition to the courts.
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You can also set up cameras inside the home...and then give the caregiver a key...you can monitor them too and I would definitely let them know they are on camera. Just cuts down on problems before they are problems.
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I can give you some suggestions that have been very successful for us. We do not have hired caregivers as my Mom doesn't qualify...and she is still in her home because $6500 a month for a memory care facility is out of our financial reach.
1. Install a security camera system. We have it through Alarm.com. There are 2 cameras that face the back & front doors. There are also sensors on every window and door to alert of opening and closing. You can view live streaming video and also have it set to record movement. Those are recorded. The sensors can send alerts to your phone..ipad...whatever when doors or windows have been opened. This also alerts fire and police of fires or break-ins. Look them up...worth every penny.
2. Let her cook her meals with the caregivers watching.
3. Get her out of the house...if there is a senior center she can go to for activities great...if not...have the caregivers take her food shopping...or to a park or something.
4. And this probably should have been #1...be kind no matter what. Ask her nicely...say thank you...compliment her. Kindness eventually turns a situation around...even with the crazies.
5. Give her choices...example..."Do you want to bathe now or after breakfast?" This gives her the control but you the clean body.

If you give the state guardianship...you give them everything...including her assets. Think about that...you will no longer have a say in how she is taken care of...ever...good or bad.
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I wonder if the state would be willing to assume guardianship over her. You could try to call your county human services to let them know the situation. They can send a social worker over to evaluate the circumstances and make recommendations. Since she is mentally ill and unwilling to change her circumstances, guardianship may be the way to go. I hope someone else who has more experience in this area can give you some helpful advice on what you can do for her. My good thoughts are with you.
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