To avoid a rant - I will type the facts and add some observations. I live about 1000 miles away from my mother and step-father. My mother has always worked hard and dedicated herself to her work whatever it is. She may be the most passive agressive person I have ever met. This impacts her entire life and always has. There is certainly no changing that and she has no plans on accepting it. With that, this behavior is impacting her healthcare, her life, her relationships.... and so on. A year and a half ago my mother suffered a massive stroke. This left her with mobility issues as she cannot use most of her right side. She has always been very reluctant to discuss "the hard stuff", finances, end of life plans, etc. I try not to push, but have just about reached my end. Recently we found out that she has additional severe health issues. My example of passive aggressive: She had tests done for this issue in October and her half-wit doctor did not call with results until 3 months later. 3 months. I asked if she I could help her find another doctor as this one clearly does not have her best health interests. She just says, no or I can't change doctors. I advised that she certainly could - nothing. I bring up finances and healthcare and she just says "we're fine". My step-father is no help at all. That's a different forum. My step-sister and I typically discover this important health information by accident.
Question: HOW do I help her hope for the best but understand that planning for the worst is a healthy part of life as well. Having a plan, having options should make you feel better about what is happening. If we bring it up she becomes irrational and everything goes off track.
I asked if I could be added to her HIPAA agreement so I can ask the doctor questions because she gets very intimidated asking questions of them. Her answer was no. I even told her that it would make me feel better if I could ask some questions. No.
I know someone out there has dealt with this!?! Thank you anyone for your insights - very much appreciated!