My mom is 81 and has memory issues. There's been no specific diagnosis. It isn't safe for her to drive any more and she's just starting to run into issues with forgetting how to make a full meal or forgetting to shower. I occasionally see her with several pairs of pants on or her PJ top on under her day time shirt. But, she's high functioning. Very chatty. Moves well. Gets up and down stairs with few issues. She's still living alone and a very large house with lots of steps.
She's completely resistant to any help. She's been single for over 30 years. Raised six kids on her own. Has always managed her own finances, house, etc. I've looked around and am just stymied by where to get help.
We've tried in home help but the ladies who come just try to go through all their Alzheimer's training and try to make friends with my mom or blow up her ego by talking about how wonderful old people are. My mom is instantly distrustful and thinks they are trying to sell her something.
I've checked out independent living in the area. That's ok but there is zero provision for residents with memory issues. She'd be responsible for going to get the food. She'd be responsible for signing up to take the shuttle to the grocery store. She'd be responsible for getting to the exercise classes.
I've checked out assisted living in the area. OMG - so very depressing. Everyone is in wheel chairs. No one is speaking or chatting. Staff is most of the places were pretty awesome and kind but the level the folks in the their care is so very far below where my mom is. Crazy depressing for an active woman like my mom.
I've checked out three different memory care places. All claim to be award winning, cutting edge places. Again, most of the people close to non-verbal. Many in wheelchairs or using walkers. Few offer much chance for outings, etc. All the places presume my mom is incontinent and will need help bathing. No way, no how would my mom allow someone to bathe her.
I need a place where folks are active, moving around, chatty, can easily take trips off campus to the grocery or area attractions BUT also has cueing. Where someone will remind my mom / invite my mom to go to the store, go to dinner, take her meds, etc.
So far, my mom will only accept help from her children and then only when we can do it in a way that doesn't have the appearance of helping. We just happen to stop by with food. We just happen to offer her a ride to the grocery. Since we are around, we just happen to offer to change a light bulb.
Where is that place??? That can do all these things for a person with memory issues???