Can't seem to get on with my life after Dad passed. Any suggestions?


My Dad passed last year and I was caring for him for over six years. It started immediately after I retired frim my nursing career. My husband and I had our life planned when I retired. Summers at the "Shore" and Winters at our home down South.. Dad's health took a downturn shortly after I retired and I moved next door to monitor his health and care for him. It became a full time job even though he had a 24 hour live-in the last few years because of his multiple health problems needing the professional care that I could give....My husband suffered through all of this....It ended up with spending time together in the summers and winters apart....After Dad passed last year, I can't seem to get my life together. I feel like I need time alone and time for myself. I feel guilty not wanting to assume full time "wife" duties again....I am handling all of the estate issues and again my husband and I are spending the Winter apart....We used to do this after my husband retired and I still worked for another 10 years.....I feel like I am in "limbo".....Any suggestions? Please don't criricize me for wanting "alone" time......

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I am looking into flights at the end of the month to join hubby down South....Thank you for all your helpful advice. Sometimes it helps to vent and put your feelings on paper as well......
Helpful Answer (1)

You may have SAD Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is best cured by a week at the Southern Shore. I say GO NOW.
Helpful Answer (1)

Sorry to hear that your dad died last year.

I can understand your need to time by yourself. I can also understand that after 6 years that your husband would like to have you back. That is a very long time!

However, it sounds like ya'll have grown apart like what happens to couples who are so busy raising the children that they fail to keep dating each other and work on their own relationship. Thus, they have to get to know each other again. I may be wrong, but a good place to start might be remember what ya'll liked doing together at the start of your relationship and pick a couple of those to do together and see if you can rebuild from there.

Maybe, you don't feel like going back to being a full time wife right now is that after 6 years of pouring basically all of your emotional energy into your dad, you are totally drained and don't have much left for your husband right now and that is why you need some time alone to recharge your emotional batteries.

If that's the case or whatever the case is, the two of you need to sit down together and have a very heart to heart talk or maybe the two of you need to see a marriage therapist, but along with your need to recuperate, it sounds to me like there is some major rebuilding needing to be done for this marriage to last.

In the end, it boils down to much more than how much in love you feel for each other, but more on how committed both of you are to rebuild your marriage.

I wish both of you well in sorting all of this out.
Helpful Answer (4)

Well, you can have all the time you want to yourself while still living as a wife with your husband. Sounds as if you have marriage problems. Probably time to sit down and talk with him...tell him how you feel about wanting some breathing room. He may feel the same way. Never know 'til you open up those lines of communication.

It's been my experience that men don't particularly enjoy being on their own. He may be very lonely. Since your arrangement has been going on for six years, in my mind, he has a reasonable expectation to have you back at his side now.

Seriously, if you don't intend to do that? It may be very kind and generous of you to let him know that so he can follow HIS bliss as you follow yours...
Helpful Answer (3)

Is there room for compromise? Go home to hubby with a promise that you are not expected at attend more than X events in a week?
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Husband wants me to be with him.....He is very active and social...I am more of a homebody and just want to have no schedule or agenda or pressures at this time, but I feel guilty. First time in my life where I have free time that was my own...Raised 5 kids, worked full time, took care of Dad for over 6 years. Never had time for myself.
Helpful Answer (0)

You don't say either of you is unhappy. I'm not sure what the problem is. If you're happy and hubby's happy? Well, that's it then. If either of you aren't happy, then one or both of you will either have to change...or spend your Golden Years less than ideally. The clock's a'tickin'. Best give it some thought...
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