My sister is 81, husband 86, he had a stroke 9 years ago resulting in cognitive decline (no bodily damage). She is now suffering from caregiver burnout. One daughter who lives in same town and sees them daily, believes that father should move to assisted living for people with issues and her mother to apartment nearby. The other 3 siblings (live in different town/states, see parents rarely) say that is not necessary, that the folks are fine ! They "perform" in front of their children and can do so for a day or so. (Our mother accomplished this VERY well, she "performed" for our brothers - they told us we were nuts.).
Daily living is quite different: he criticizes my sister all day long, with issues that happened 40 years ago. In addition to the constant repetitive questions and other such behaviors. She has begun to yell back at him due to burnout. Both feel very hurt by the other person.
The one child who lives in the same town has made steps for their moves to asisted living/ separate apartment. The other siblings resist - saying that if mother took anxiety meds, she would be fine and they would live happily ever after. The parents love each other very much but cannot handle the stress of his dementia any longer. Yet, when any of the 3 visit they "act" very normal since it is a 1 - 3 day duration. My sister "acts" because she is very apprehensive of their opinions of her. The one daughter in town has arranged separations for a week/10 days at a time. Currently my sister is on a month long respite. It takes only a few days for the situation to deteriorate once she goes home again.
Wondering if any one else has had this experience. Of all the info online, I have not been able to find this in the cognitive decline/dementia articles. I am hoping to find validating info for the 3 siblings, to help them understand. I volunteer at Hospice and have 2 people with sibling issues, so I don't think this is a unique situation.