My aunt has severe frontal temporal dementia, Can she go on a cruise if she wanders and doesn't know where she is?

Frontal temporal dementia is characterized by very unpredictable behaviors. It seems to be a VERY bad idea to take somebody like this on a cruise - because somebody would need to be with that person 24/7. They cannot be left alone for even one minute - or they may wander off, become lost on the ship, or even jump overboard.

Another point that I thought of for this aunt, who wanders and is allowed to go on the cruise. There are ports of calls on most cruises. What happens if she wanders off tto the particular port of call, never to be found again?

This thread is 3 years old and needs to be shut down which it will be when the new software for the site is launched.

Does anyone have a POA for her? That would solve this real quick.

It's a very BAD, BAD idea to take a person with dementia on a cruise. If they get lost on the ship, they may never be found. They could wander out the nearest door and decide to jump overboard - or be wandering around, disoriented, in some port town. The surroundings will be totally unfamiliar - and make the dementia worse.

So, what would be the purpose of putting a person with dementia in such danger?

I wonder what happened. I doubt it would be wise
to take this lady on a cruise. My first thoughts were
what if the ship has mechanical problems and no
a/c, sanitary problems...etc etc. But as old as this
question is I suppose it's kind of a moot point by
now. But I, as the lady's niece, would not interfer. This
would only cause a deep rift in family relations.

horserider: That's correct! If the cousin was at risk for a pulmonary embolism and in poor overall health, what gave her the not-so-genius idea to go snorkeling?

Bad idea unless 24 hr. supervision. I've found that changes in setting and routine are not at all good for dementia patients. Over stimulation can present problems as well. I guess it's an individual thing. It's great that your aunt has the physical capability to run around. She could have great opportunities locally. Please let us know of your decision and the outcome.

Given the demographics of the cruise market worldwide, I would be astonished to learn that the average ship did not have on board quite a number of people with dementia.

We likely have not ever heard of it because it is more likely that someone with dementia is not taken on a cruise ship.

@evermore99 I understand there are risks. Unattended toddlers can also fall overboard if not watched 24/7. Drunks can also fall overboard..and have. I have never heard of someone with dementia falling off a cruise ship...have you? but I have heard of drunks fall overboard. At least a caretaker knows to keep an eye on dementia patients.  Some parents don't always keep an eye on toddlers. I was referring to someone who said they don't want people with medical issues on cruises so they might refuse to let her on...if she only has dementia and does not get violent she is no more at risk for a medical problem then anyone else on the ship and probably less so then someone who is severely handicapped or has serious heart problems. Again when was the last time you heard that a dementia patient had to be airlifted off a ship.never...heart attack victims...yes.

@Nolagal

It's one thing for people in wheelchairs but quite another thing for someone with dementia. There comes a point with dementia where they can't be left alone for a split second. Turn your back for a split second on the cruise ship, they could have wandered into the crowd. Since their brains are broken, they can't navigate something like that. Her broken brain makes her more suseptible to falling over board or getting hurt. Besides, if she gets violent and agitated, the whole family can be kicked off the ship.

I think you need to have a talk with your uncle but only in a concerned caring way. As someone who cares for a mother with dementia I am always thinking she might like to do something. Then if I decide its best if I go alone, I wind up feeling guilty. I would bet your uncle would feel guilty leaving her behind and his daughter might be making him feel guilty about not going on the trip. It is not always black and white. He might appreciate someone expressing concern for both he and his wife. Express that you are worried for her safety but also that he will be stressed having to watch her at all times and he won't enjoy himself. If he still decides to take her... then let it go. Calling social services for this would be a terrible thing to do to someone caring for their spouse. You could open up a can of worms that would make things 100x worse and your uncle and cousin will probably hate you and I would not blame them. I would feel so betrayed if anyone who didn't live in my house and didn't see the interaction between my mother and I, chose to question my choices to care for her. Unless you have walked in his shoes and unless you are willing to stay with her for a week while they go on vacation...talk to him but then let it go.  

As for medical issues...I don't see how that applies since many people with medical issues cruise every day.  If cruise lines turned down people with heart issues, lung issues, diabetes, handicapped, etc...they would have no one on their ships.  Unless she gets violent or severely agitated, he would have to watch her no more than a mother should be watching her small child.   I have been on many cruises and often see people who are severely handicapped confined to wheelchairs with family they manage just fine on the cruise with a little extra care. 

Under no circumstances would I take someone with mental problems on a cruise. Why should everyone have to babysit when they should be enjoying the cruise. Who is going to be willing to watch her 24/7 - yes, 24/7. Don't do it. Hire someone to take care of her at home where she is safe. And, she could have a serious mishap on a cruise - simply not worth the effort. Do NOT do it.

"anecdote isn't data". The dentist's cousin could have just as easily had a pulmonary embolism in her own bathtub or walking to pick up the mail.

As far as traveling with someone with dementia;
It CAN go very well, but it is not a "vacation" for the person traveling with them - they will be on alert 24/7. Planning ahead can help (chair in front of the door at night, keep light on in bathroom at night, door slightly ajar, have the nearest hospital located, and even drive by it so you know where to go in case of a problem, be reading a book on the front patio while they are napping in the room, etc). Caregivers get to sleep with one ear open all night. Sound sleepers might need to consider a door alarm "to keep out intruders".

I will say that I did take a good friend on his last visit to his beloved mountains in earlier stage dementia. It was a lot of work for me, but I would absolutely, absolutely, absolutely do it again if I had the chance. We were gone for over 2 weeks, and he improved physically, and was much, much happier than at home.

Every time I see this post pop up, I shake my head in disbelief! Really? You would want to subject an elder to go on a cruise, possibly risking her life? The poor lady would be totally out of her comfort zone! It would be unthinkable! Let me share a story with you. Recently my primary dentist had to cancel out my appointment due a family emergency. When the rescheduled appointment date finally came around, he told me what had happened. His 67 year-old cousin was on a cruise and had drowned while snorkeling! It turns out that the woman wasn't in good health at all and apparently had suffered a pulmonary embolism!

Just FYI, this question is 2 years old.

When I drove my parents 40 miles to a family reunion, my dad, who has dementia, was panicking the whole way. He kept asking where we were going, who told me to go this way and told me that I was going the wrong way. And he isn't even in a severe stage yet. I can't imagine going on a cruise.

It's one possibility, but would two older adults pick a Disney cruise if taking their little granddaughter along wasn't a major part of the plan? Failing any further contributions from the OP we'll all just have to cross our fingers and hope that it goes well.

jenniegibbs. You seem to misunderstand my post. I am definitely NOT saying it's there's anything wrong with taking a family member along to help. Read the post again. What I was trying to say was that the daughter may be in this for laudable reasons, wanting to help, or perhaps, if she was unable to dissuade her parents from cruising, is going along to be a second adult to supervise the aunt. I was clearly saying something NICE about the daughter, in an effort to mitigate some of the negative comments being made about her.... But for what it's worth, I still thing it's a bad idea. If you read my first post in this thread you will see my opinion on that. But it may not be in the daughter's power to stop her folks from going, and she might be doing the next best thing. I'm saying, that while the aunt may deal poorly with travel, she likely does not realize this herself. If she's anything like either of my parents, they never at any point recognized or admitted to their deficits. ( It's like trying to get Dad to stop driving. I just could not accomplish that with any amount of talking, nor get anyone else's influence or power to stop them.) And my if my mother wanted to do something, she did it ! Come hell or high water. Whether or not was smart or safe. ... I can just imagine the battle that daughter may have fought to stop them, before they came up with this compromise plan. Now the niece steps in, rightly concerned that this may not go well. But that does NOT mean that the daughter is some selfish or thoughtless person, as some seem to have assumed. THAT is the answer to your "so what." We just don't know the whole story.

jeannegibs...it sounds like you come with a package loving family...that takes care of their loved ones...and thats GREAT!!! but...from the original post...sounds like family member is REEEAAALLY WORRIED ABOUT HER AUNT...doesn't sound loving to me...and that is why everyone has there own opinion about what they read!?

You could certainly be right, DoingbestIcan. But so what?

I took my husband's daughter on our final cruise. I paid for everything. The deal was very clear. She was along to help. And she was an awesome help! Hubby was well enough for some excursions, and the three of us went. When he wasn't feeling up to it, his daughter stayed on board and played cards with him while I took a tour, and I stayed on board with him while she took kayak lessons. It worked fine (and would have been finer if he had been more "with it" as he had been on previous trips.)

There is NOTHING WRONG with bringing a family member or even a paid aide along on a trip with a person who has dementia or other special needs.

The only real question here is whether Aunt is going to benefit or suffer from a trip at this point in her disease. Uncle thinks it is a possible benefit; OP thinks it is dangerous. I really don't know that we are in a position to judge that particular issue, and it is the only one that matters.

Who cares what Cousin's motives are? Who cares about Uncle's no doubt complex reasoning? Is Aunt up for this adventure? That's what counts.

I really hope we hear updates about what happens. We do learn from each other.

I do think lifeexperiences in onto something in her post. The uncle may very well be taking his daughter (and the child) along for the sole purpose of having help keeping in eye on the wandering, nervous aunt; and not so much as a treat for her. That doesn't change much, but helps to explain how they came up with this plan in the first place. If the aunt and uncle are experienced cruisers, (or maybe just have the cruise on their bucket list) they may not want to give up going on the vacation they want so much. ( I know, you'd have a he11 of a time getting me and hubby to give up cruising.) Anyway, I can totally see the uncle asking the daughter along to help out, or even to placate her, if she's been telling him that the two of them going alone was a really bad idea.

"severe frontal temporal dementia" maybe...just maybe...taking auntie is part of the deal?? sounds like it to me...

The husband is paying for the cruise. And facts are thin on the ground: the OP says that the lady has severe frontal temporal dementia, but the only instance given is that she once barricaded herself in a hotel room; that's your lot. It's a bit of a leap to assume that complete strangers are more concerned for this lady's wellbeing than her husband and her daughter would be; and, besides, what's to stop the husband paying for his daughter to go on the cruise anyway if that's the only issue?

I don't think they are negative assumptions...sound like facts were given. People are concerned for auntie's well being. Family just wants a free vacation at her expense!?

Responses to this post have been getting strewn with negative assumptions and speculations. I don't think anyone is trying hurt anyone else intentionally in this situation. Best wishes, lalafair, with your aunt. Your care and concern for your family is what will keep you all together. Support each other. Caring for someone with dementia is never easy.

It might be overwhelming for the patient; or it is just possible, isn't it, that the husband and daughter sincerely believe that the patient will have a lovely time - even that this could be her last opportunity to enjoy the experience of a Disney cruise with her happy, excited granddaughter.

It would be logistically easier and broadly comparable in terms of cost to bung Granny into respite care while Granddad, mother and daughter go off on the cruise. But apparently the family wants to include Granny, notwithstanding her dementia. That might involve some wishful thinking, it might even be irresponsible depending on how manifest the dementia is and how open about it they have been with the tour operator, but I can't for the life of me see how it's selfish.

Jeanne I understand your point of view..

Is the patient familiar with cruise ships?

But to bring a dementia patient on a Disney cruise hoping to spend quality time with 6 yr old child seems over whelming for patient..

In my own experiences all those children running around would send my Mom into full scale panic attack, not mention being on a giant boat.. A relaxing cruise with mostly adults, now that's a different story...

sounds very selfish to me... when someone puts someone's health at risk for the sake of a free vacation??? NOT very nice!