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Mum was so looking forward to the Sunday back at her church which she was very involved in. I have spoken and kept in touch with a ladies circle over the last year but in person service only began today. Getting there was about a 24 hr "activity" - selection of clothing that is appropriate, hygiene, what time are we leaving × 100 !....you get the idea!
The reactions to mum covered a vast spectrum from shock, tears, to " she's doing great", (keeps it together for short times) ..Once again, you get the idea. I felt myself struggling with the urge to correct and educate or explain which I did not feel appropriate at the time maybe because I sure could use people to drop by for visits.
Any advice or experience with similar situation?

Thanks KP for clarifying my comment. You read it correctly. Mom is not the same as before Covid. She was acting up a bit so I brought her into the hallway until after the blessing. Hugs.
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Reply to earlybird
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Retrored: Imho, there is no need for long explanations. Just thank these individuals.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Oh yes…My church saw mom after she was gone 18 months. She had been in memory care but now is in an assisted living facility. She graduated. This has confused people. I take her to church on Sundays. For one hour she can function fairly normally. Church members talk briefly with her and then say..and then tell me how great she is..mom can talk small talk fine...surface level only…nothing deep { Lewy Body Dementia]. I also find me wanting to educate. My life is not fun anymore and I feel resentful at times that others do not fully understand the depth of our fractured life. No one from church sees her as ill enough to visit mom at her assisted living. I am her everything. Our walk with these dementias appears to be our struggle alone. Unless someone has done this rollercoaster ride there is no way they can understand. I have given up bothering…I say “Moms doing ok”.
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Reply to Sadinroanokeva
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Thank those who are positive, and simply tell others the last two years have wreaked changes on us all and move on. After a few attendances it will settle into those who can see you need assistance or who want to offer their company, but there has been a lot of change in a lot of people and a lot of people don't know how to respond to it. We need to get a little normality going and get used to people again. Good luck.
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Reply to TaylorUK
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Retrored Nov 23, 2021
Thankyou
II'll post the cards!
(1)
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Since mum has some dementia issues and I assume is much older, people will not be shocked by anything she says or does. Most folks in churches are very accepting of the needs of folks with this problem. If you do feel you need something to help smooth the uncomfortable situations, you might consider making up a few business cards. They can simply say, "My parent has dementia and we appreciate your friendship as we navigate this disease process."
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Reply to Taarna
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What a blessing that your mum and you were able to get back to an in person church service. It's a shame that it took so long in your area.
I've been back at my church for well over a year already, and enjoying every minute of it.
Perhaps you could now call the church office and ask if they have any teams that go out to visit the elderly, or just invite some of her lady friends over from the ladies circle, if you're wanting people to come visit her. You can still use precautions if that makes you feel better, so don't let the fact that Covid is still around deter you, as it will be here for years to come, just like the flu. We can't stop living and enjoying our lives, or continue to live in fear anymore. That's not healthy for anyone, and your mum would benefit from some social interactions, I'm sure.
And please don't let others reactions to your mums decline keep you or her away from church, as we need God now more than ever in this crazy world we're living in.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Just as we aren't expected to share the truth when people casually ask "how are you today" the comments you've encountered were not necessarily anything but polite acknowledgement of her presence there. I'm not sure what kind of reactions you were expecting, was your mom upset by these comments? I think that when we are intimately involved with caring for someone we grow accustomed to their reality and fail to see the big changes that are instantly obvious to everyone else.
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Reply to cwillie
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I took my mother to church once during the pandemic and it was not too great. I took her mask off for her to receive communion and she got so upset. She was afraid she would get covid. I have not brought her back since. She did so well before covid and now I think it is best to watch Mass on TV which we all do on Saturday night and sometimes Sunday afternoon. This works well for us. Brother and niece get the host on Sunday and we have a little service.
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Reply to earlybird
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lealonnie1 Nov 22, 2021
My cousin just recovered from the virus (had a very mild case of it) and the doctor told her the following: in order to catch Covid, you have to be exposed to a contagious person for 15 minutes face to face. It's not something one catches casually by passing someone on the street who has it, or by taking one's mask off for a moment to receive communion.

It's much better to be informed & armed with facts than to allow fear to prevent us from living life at ALL, at least in my opinion. Yes, we want to use caution, but also partake in life at the same time.
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