My sibling and I have already decided not to have a public funeral for our father when he eventually passes. He basically has no friends still living. His remaining siblings no longer visit or call him because they are mad at him for one reason or another. And the list of reasons why not to have a funeral goes on and on. My sibling and I just can't see the point in having a public funeral for our father when we don't think many people would attend. And those who might show up, we don't want to be forced to put a smile on our faces when they say "your dad was a wonderful guy" blah, blah, blah. In all honesty, my sibling and I are angry with our father for treating us the way he has over the years and especially the past few years after his mild stroke. I feel like dad's siblings might be mad at us for not having a funeral (if they are still living when dad passes) but I don't really care if they are mad. Does anyone else feel this way?
She has no friends here, and the family are all just pleading with God to take her already. This dementia is just soooo hard to watch. She hates her life, and we hate it for her.
If there is any money left in her estate, I will use my portion for us all to go out to dinner and celebrate that her suffering is over. Please, God, make that sooner, rather than later.
When Mum goes I will have a service at her Church, just as we did when my step dad died.
For Dad's 90th birthday my brother hosted a catered birthday lunch at a community hall. We had over 100 guests including students he taught 50 years before. Dad is 93 now and very frail. I am glad we were able to host that party prior to Covid restrictions.
Grandma1954, I have found over the years that there are people who make an impact on our lives, yet their family may never know what it was. Going to the funeral is a way of honouring the person they were.
When my great Aunty Jessie died, I had not seen her in decades. She had been moved by her family away from my community. When the memorial service was held for her, people were asked to share a story. I shared my story about baking birthday cakes for my grandmother (not her sister, other side of the family), every July. None of her kids, nor grandchildren knew that story.
Yes, she died after suffering from dementia and being bed ridden for years, but before that she was quite a wonderful woman who baked cakes with a little girl. She actually taught me to love baking.
Personally once I am in that box I do not particularly care what the family does.
I would much rather they and friends visit me while I can still enjoy their company. I would actually prefer that anything that would be spent on a funeral be used to pay someone to come in a deep clean the house so it can be sold then family and friends can have a party with what little bit might be left.
I will say I had no idea what my Husband would have wanted because he refused to talk about things like this. I mentioned once to his sister that I would probably have him cremated and she told me that he always said he wanted to be buried next to his mom. So that is what I did. When I went to the funeral home and planned the funeral I said, 1 day wake and burial since I did not think anyone would come. I was actually blown away by the number of people that showed up, a few even flew in from across the country for just a few hours.
The thing that got me was...all these people are here now where were they the past 5 to 10 years?
Bottom line do what you and your immediate family wants to do.
Regarding your uncle being upset... If he's so concerned then he can come visit his brother while he's still alive.
As his children, *YOU* get to decide what kind of funeral - if any!! - to have for dad. If his distant relatives have that much of a problem with you choosing to not have one for dad, well, I guess they'll just have to get over it, won't they? I mean, they always have the option of arranging one themselves, but I have discovered that the people who would give you the most grief (no pun intended) about not doing the "right" kind of funeral are the last ones who would be willing to spend one penny and/or one millisecond planning it themselves. No, they'd rather try and lay on a guilt trip where you arrange the funeral so they can come to the event and look "properly tragic".
Even *if* your dad had been the most happy-go-lucky, easygoing type of father, that still wouldn't oblige you to having a funeral if you and your brother didn't want one for him. And you know what else? You don't owe *anyone* an explanation of why you and your brother make the choices that you do in regard to any sort of service once dad passes. I think it's a highly personal decision, and for anyone to question it or criticize it is beyond tasteless.
(((hugs)))
If Dad has money put aside for his burial than go thru the coffin and stuff. You can do a graveside service and those who want to come can. You can offer a luncheon if you want or you and sister can go out just yourselves or not at all. If there is not that much money, then cremate him. Then do what you want. I would not tell anyone what you plan on doing before hand. When the time comes, just tell those that matter that Dad passed. I have seen very short obits where it just says so and so passed.
If you feel bad for Dad's siblings, have a nice get together some time after things settle. Let them know you will do so. Who knows, they may say "Don't BOTHER" and then you won't have to bother.
I had a family only viewing so my mom could say goodbye to my dad died simply because he was in an SNF for rehab when he died and she wasn't able to visit him. My mom died at home (her choice) on a Sunday and my son found 'cremations-r-us' and for an extra $100 (since it was Sunday) we got a pickup that night.
If your dad's siblings want a funeral, they can make the arrangements and pay for it. A funeral given out of obligation is like getting flowers on Valentine's day from a husband who despises you, yet knows flowers are expected. It's NOT the thought that counts here. You and your sib do what works best for you and the heck with everyone else.
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