When they get up at all hours of the night, they are a fall risk and nobody can get ANY sleep in your household. I am lucky I didn't kill someone with my car because I was so tired all the time.
Ask her doctor, who will provide the recommendation that she go to AL. Then AL will assess the person and decide what level of care is needed.
You can't just "put" someone in AL or memory care. It's not like checking into a hotel! Along the way, many evaluations may be required, and if you're asking this question, it's time to start looking for the best places and narrowing them down so you're ready when it's necessary. In my experience, most people wait too late to initiate the process.
Signs are easy and even knowing assisted living is needed is easy. But actually PUTTING a loved on in some type of assisted-living is very difficult.
in my case, my wife was in a care facility and it was the worst experience of her life. After 30 days, I took her home because I couldn’t bear to see the pain. She died peaceful at home.
In my opinion, the second you post this question means you know its time. The real problem is this...does the elder know its time and agreeable to the idea?
For my parents, 89 at the time, it was several signs:
They forgot to take their meds (or not recall if they had) My dad fell often Neither could trim their toenails and weren't bothered that they were long and incredibly unkempt My mom stopped bathing (but went to the hair salon once a week, so she "appeared" clean) Their memory was faulty, they repeated themselves and were not aware of it They were more frail and weak than ever and had been quite athletic At times my dad would call me and not make sense They would forget to eat My dad began to shuffle his feet They would hold on to furniture when they walked They both insisted they were fine and didn't need to move, especially my mom (perhaps I should have put this one first, as it seems whey they say this, it's time)
TYYoung63, the assisted living/memory care facilities will do an assessment to see if the person needs to be placed.
With my Dad, it was his idea to move to senior living as he was a fall risk and his house was starting to be too much for him to keep maintaining. Dad did have caregivers at the house, but that was getting really expensive. He started with living in "independent living" at the facility, then later it was recommended he moved into the facilities "memory care". I was relieved that everything went smoothly.
Technically, an elder may be ready to transition into assisted living when they can no longer live safely or comfortably on their own, even with some help...
Daily living difficulties:
- Trouble bathing, dressing, grooming, or using the toilet safely - Forgetting to eat, take medications, or manage hygiene
Safety concerns:
- Frequent falls or close calls - Leaving the stove on, wandering, or getting lost
Medical and cognitive changes:
- Worsening memory, confusion, or early dementia - Chronic conditions that are harder to manage alone - Medication errors or missed doses
Home becoming unmanageable:
- Poor housekeeping, spoiled food in the fridge - Unopened mail, unpaid bills, or utility shutoff warnings
Caregiver strain:
- Family caregivers feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or burned out
We had my MIL transition into AL when her memory was so bad she didn't remember if she ate or not; she couldn't manage her finances at all (her checkbook was in total disarray and she had $900+ in overdraft fees); she couldn't take her thyroid medication properly, even when I walked her through it step-by-step on the phone. She had to give up driving and my husband and I (and our sons) were basically over at her house daily doing things for her. She didn't remember how to use her appliances, like microwave; we found rotting food in her fridge. She didn't remember what day it was.
Now my own Mom (96) lives next door to me and has been falling more and more frequently. This past week she fell and messed up her arm which is in a cast right now and she's needed the help of an aid all day long, every day since. I've caught her still walking around without her walker. She just recovered from a very painful broken pubic bone this summer and now this. The agreement we've had is that she goes to Al when either she is no longer safe in her home or I'm overwhelmed by her care. It's feeling like both are converging at the same time.
But you have to have the legal authority to do it, and they have to have the means to pay for it.
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You can't just "put" someone in AL or memory care. It's not like checking into a hotel! Along the way, many evaluations may be required, and if you're asking this question, it's time to start looking for the best places and narrowing them down so you're ready when it's necessary. In my experience, most people wait too late to initiate the process.
Good luck!
in my case, my wife was in a care facility and it was the worst experience of her life. After 30 days, I took her home because I couldn’t bear to see the pain. She died peaceful at home.
They forgot to take their meds (or not recall if they had)
My dad fell often
Neither could trim their toenails and weren't bothered that they were long and incredibly unkempt
My mom stopped bathing (but went to the hair salon once a week, so she "appeared" clean)
Their memory was faulty, they repeated themselves and were not aware of it
They were more frail and weak than ever and had been quite athletic
At times my dad would call me and not make sense
They would forget to eat
My dad began to shuffle his feet
They would hold on to furniture when they walked
They both insisted they were fine and didn't need to move, especially my mom (perhaps I should have put this one first, as it seems whey they say this, it's time)
With my Dad, it was his idea to move to senior living as he was a fall risk and his house was starting to be too much for him to keep maintaining. Dad did have caregivers at the house, but that was getting really expensive. He started with living in "independent living" at the facility, then later it was recommended he moved into the facilities "memory care". I was relieved that everything went smoothly.
I am 85 and will be following same path first of next year in California
Hope I have same experience
Continue to post as it will give me some info on what to look out for
Corky2595
Daily living difficulties:
- Trouble bathing, dressing, grooming, or using the toilet safely
- Forgetting to eat, take medications, or manage hygiene
Safety concerns:
- Frequent falls or close calls
- Leaving the stove on, wandering, or getting lost
Medical and cognitive changes:
- Worsening memory, confusion, or early dementia
- Chronic conditions that are harder to manage alone
- Medication errors or missed doses
Home becoming unmanageable:
- Poor housekeeping, spoiled food in the fridge
- Unopened mail, unpaid bills, or utility shutoff warnings
Caregiver strain:
- Family caregivers feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or burned out
We had my MIL transition into AL when her memory was so bad she didn't remember if she ate or not; she couldn't manage her finances at all (her checkbook was in total disarray and she had $900+ in overdraft fees); she couldn't take her thyroid medication properly, even when I walked her through it step-by-step on the phone. She had to give up driving and my husband and I (and our sons) were basically over at her house daily doing things for her. She didn't remember how to use her appliances, like microwave; we found rotting food in her fridge. She didn't remember what day it was.
Now my own Mom (96) lives next door to me and has been falling more and more frequently. This past week she fell and messed up her arm which is in a cast right now and she's needed the help of an aid all day long, every day since. I've caught her still walking around without her walker. She just recovered from a very painful broken pubic bone this summer and now this. The agreement we've had is that she goes to Al when either she is no longer safe in her home or I'm overwhelmed by her care. It's feeling like both are converging at the same time.
But you have to have the legal authority to do it, and they have to have the means to pay for it.