Admin changed the title of this from "Can my daughter in law help me?". Since op put it under the Medicaid category, she's likely asking if Medicaid will pay the DIL to be her caregiver. Of course, I'm just guessing when we have zero clarification from the op 🙄
Good eye! Many of us thought ill of her because we’ve felt obligated against our best interests (families, jobs, etc.), But if DIL wants it to be a paying job, I do believe it’s allowed. Maybe she got her answer.
Help with what? How old are you? What is your diagnosis? Where is your son? Do you have any other relatives that can help instead of your DIL? Why her?
You really need to supply more info to get the correct answers. But like said, your DIL is not obligated to help you. The person you should be asking is your son.
If you're wanting her to give up activities that she enjoys, or taking care of her own children, or work that she relies on for income, you should not expect her to help you. If she knows your situation and volunteers, that's a different thing. Accept her help if you need it but offer to do something for her. Like pay her.
Expecting in-laws to jump in and take on more caregiving than they ever dreamed of is not okay. If you haven't already, come up with some alternatives to family helping out. You may have always expected them to take care of you in your old age, but more than likely that isn't in their plan!
Time to have an honest conversation with your son about your present difficulties and those that may occur in the future.
We cannot make others change. After a long life you perhaps are ready to have that tough lesson in life. You can ask. But you cannot make anyone do anything. Good luck.
Not much info in your question but... If your DIL WANTS to help you and she wants to get paid to do so there are ways to do this. You can have a Caregiving Contract done. (do this no matter how she is paid) Then YOU pay her for her caregiving services. There are ways that Medicare will pay for some caregiving. Having a contract and you paying for her services will go a long way if you have to apply for Medicaid and you need to spend down assets.
the big question is does your DIL WANT to help you or are you expecting her to help you? If you are expecting her to help you I think you need to rethink your expectations. If she does not want to do this then drop the subject. You also should not EXPECT your son to help you, If he does, great.
If you need minimal help now it might be time to either think about making a move to a facility that can meet your current care needs and select a facility that will be able to continue to meet your needs as you decline. That could be needing Memory Care or Skilled Nursing. And if there is a possibility that you will need to apply for Medicaid make sure the facility you select will also accept Medicaid when that time comes.
You can gently start a conversation with your son's involvement. Ask but don't expect or use guilt. No one should be pressured or guilt-tripped about caregiving. Taking your care on is a tremendous ask.
You have this under Medicaid . What kind of help do you need ? And why do you think your daughter-in-law should be the helper ? Where is your son ? Is he alive ?
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What type of help do you want or need?
Expecting in-laws to jump in and take on more caregiving than they ever dreamed of is not okay. If you haven't already, come up with some alternatives to family helping out. You may have always expected them to take care of you in your old age, but more than likely that isn't in their plan!
Time to have an honest conversation with your son about your present difficulties and those that may occur in the future.
After a long life you perhaps are ready to have that tough lesson in life.
You can ask. But you cannot make anyone do anything.
Good luck.
If your DIL WANTS to help you and she wants to get paid to do so there are ways to do this.
You can have a Caregiving Contract done. (do this no matter how she is paid)
Then YOU pay her for her caregiving services.
There are ways that Medicare will pay for some caregiving.
Having a contract and you paying for her services will go a long way if you have to apply for Medicaid and you need to spend down assets.
the big question is does your DIL WANT to help you or are you expecting her to help you?
If you are expecting her to help you I think you need to rethink your expectations.
If she does not want to do this then drop the subject.
You also should not EXPECT your son to help you, If he does, great.
If you need minimal help now it might be time to either think about making a move to a facility that can meet your current care needs and select a facility that will be able to continue to meet your needs as you decline. That could be needing Memory Care or Skilled Nursing. And if there is a possibility that you will need to apply for Medicaid make sure the facility you select will also accept Medicaid when that time comes.
What kind of help do you need ?
And why do you think your daughter-in-law should be the helper ?
Where is your son ? Is he alive ?
Does your son and she live near you? Do they have young kids at home? Does she have a job already?
Before you ask her, contact social services for your county and see what help you may qualify for?
Or contact your local Area Agency on Aging, or call 2-1-1
You can hire help on Care.com
More info about your situation would be helpful.
Your daughter-in-law’s life and time are her own.
What do you need help with? Have you contacted your county office on Aging? They may have services like transportation and Meals on Wheels.