Hire some in home help on dad's dime. Place dad in Skilled Nursing care on Medicaid. Stop looking for help from a brother who's not interested in helping and explore other options. Nobody should willingly suffer abuse, neither you nor your brother.
To really give you better answers we need some info on Dad.
Are you his POA? How old is he? What are his health problems and physical limitations? Does he have Dementia? Is he in his home or your home? If his home, do you live with him?
You need to "gray rock" him. Look it up? You literally ignore him. You walk away when he starts his abuse. And if he ever hits you, call the police. If no POA, call Adult protection and tell them you can no longer care for him because of the abuse. Hopefully then the State will take over his care.
Stop taking his abuse. If you live with him, move out. You are not obligated to care for anyone who is abusive to you, even a parent.
If you don't have a job, get one. There are plenty of facilities that would be happy to hire you because of your past experience in caregiving. And the residents would NOT be allowed to abuse you. And you'd get paid, which I'm guessing you are not in your present situation.
You deserve a happy life. Mean dad can find care elsewhere.
Your brother is the smart one here. Now it's time for you to get smart and walk away and leave your fathers care to paid caregivers/aides on his dime, or in a facility. You deserve better as no one should tolerate any kind of abuse. Please know that.
If your father is abusive it is looking like brother has made the right decision. I would discuss with your father a need now for placement in facility so he can get care that he pays for, and you can get on with your life. You will not be changing your sibling's choice, and if your choose to throw your own one and only life upon the burning funeral pyre of an abusive elder that is seen by your brother as a choice you have made.
Have you looked to determine if your dad is entitled to any services through your local Senior Services Program? Or Area Agency on Aging? Is dad a Veteran? If so the VA can provide some help. It might be a little or a LOT depending on where and when dad served. If dad has some assets you can look for a facility that can care for him safely depending on the level of care that he needs. It could be Assisted Living, Memory Care of Skilled Nursing. But dad pays for the Respite Care. If dad is eligible for Hospice Medicare/Medicaid will cover some respite time as well. The last option is dad pay for caregivers that will come in and care for him while you are unable to care for him. It is actually a good idea to have caregivers come in at least 1 day a week for several hours. this way you have a back up if ever something happens to you and you are unable to care for him for a time. You do not give any indication in your post as to what care dad needs. But there are caregivers that can manage any level of care that is needed. The more help they have to provide the higher the cost. NONE of the cost of getting a caregiver or finding respite care comes out of your pocket these are expenses that dad pays.
8 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Place dad in Skilled Nursing care on Medicaid.
Stop looking for help from a brother who's not interested in helping and explore other options. Nobody should willingly suffer abuse, neither you nor your brother.
Best of luck to you.
ADVERTISEMENT
Are you his POA? How old is he? What are his health problems and physical limitations? Does he have Dementia? Is he in his home or your home? If his home, do you live with him?
You need to "gray rock" him. Look it up? You literally ignore him. You walk away when he starts his abuse. And if he ever hits you, call the police. If no POA, call Adult protection and tell them you can no longer care for him because of the abuse. Hopefully then the State will take over his care.
If you don't have a job, get one. There are plenty of facilities that would be happy to hire you because of your past experience in caregiving. And the residents would NOT be allowed to abuse you. And you'd get paid, which I'm guessing you are not in your present situation.
You deserve a happy life. Mean dad can find care elsewhere.
You deserve better as no one should tolerate any kind of abuse. Please know that.
Is dad a Veteran? If so the VA can provide some help. It might be a little or a LOT depending on where and when dad served.
If dad has some assets you can look for a facility that can care for him safely depending on the level of care that he needs. It could be Assisted Living, Memory Care of Skilled Nursing. But dad pays for the Respite Care.
If dad is eligible for Hospice Medicare/Medicaid will cover some respite time as well.
The last option is dad pay for caregivers that will come in and care for him while you are unable to care for him.
It is actually a good idea to have caregivers come in at least 1 day a week for several hours. this way you have a back up if ever something happens to you and you are unable to care for him for a time.
You do not give any indication in your post as to what care dad needs. But there are caregivers that can manage any level of care that is needed. The more help they have to provide the higher the cost.
NONE of the cost of getting a caregiver or finding respite care comes out of your pocket these are expenses that dad pays.