Am I handing Mom's confusion correctly?

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Stardust Asked September 20, 2025

Am I handing Mom's confusion correctly?

Mom lives with us. I walked in the room tonight and she said, "Oh, you're still around?" I said ya! (???) She said oh good I was needing a ride and didn't know how to get one. When I asked where she needed to go she said, "home." I just said, "You are home," and then asked her if she wanted me to make her a bowl of cereal. She kind of looked around a bit and then said yes, she wanted the cereal.
I usually try to do matter of fact statement, and then a quick re-direct, but is that the best way to handle those moments?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Cognitive Decline Communication & Language Memory Loss

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score 1 · Answer 1

You are doing it correctly. And one thing I learned was not to correct or contradict them as it causes more confusion and hostility.

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score 1 · Answer 2

You are just doing great. Be there for her and redirect. Do not contradict her, do not try to reason with her, and do not try to convince them they are wrong. It does not work.

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score 1 · Answer 3

You were pretty much perfect in handling this interaction.

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score 1 · Answer 4

There is no reason to do a 'matter of fact' although this does depend on individual situations / circumstances.

If it were me / my mom, I would perhaps say "sure, but would you like a bowl of cereal first". This way, you redirect her and don't possibly further confuse her.

Its a tricky situation when you want to provide a 'reality check' when their reality is compromised due to brain changes - and their reality is real to them.

We do what we feel works in the moment. With dementia, you generally always have another chance to 'do better or different' as a loved one won't remember what you've said.

I feel the most important quality in these communications is COMPASSION. If you have that, they get it. If you say 'you're home' and she knows she is loved, she will be okay. Try a hand massage. Touch is amazing when welcomed.

Gena / Touch Matters

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score 2 · Answer 5

I agree that re-directing is helpful. A little Therapeutic Fibbing goes a long way.

The subject of food usually helps in my mom's case. Asking what she'd like for dinner (even when she is eating breakfast), asking what she hasn't had in a long time that she is craving, if she likes sweet or salty foods, does she like ketchup on her french fries, mustard on her hot dog, what her favorite dessert is, etc.

So yes, you're doing great!

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score 0 · Answer 6

Stardust: Your redirection is spot on!

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score 4 · Answer 7

Redirecting/distracting is the right strategy, never correcting. So, you did fine!

She is Sundowning. Please read the strategies for this behavior on this forum's Caregiving Topics.

https://www.agingcare.com/topics/19/sundowners-syndrome

Is your Mom on any meds for depression, anxiety, agitation? If not, it may be time to have this convo with her primary doctor. My Mom has been on the lowest dose of Lexapro and it's been working great for her.

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Ok thank you! We've definitely noticed more sundowning lately. She is on a couple of different meds for anxiety/depression and they've been working pretty well overall.

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score 1 · Answer 8

You did good. Home, though, could be where she lived as a child. IMO, they go back in time. I think my Mom thought I was her Mom. She also tended to be child like in the latter stages.

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Mom has had a few times just like that as well. Talking about cleaning out her room upstairs so her dad doesn't have to deal with her stuff, etc. There have been a couple of times she thought I was her mom. Kind of freaky, really.

(0)

score 6 · Answer 9

There really isn't a "right or wrong" in handling these things. There is only what works best, if anything at all CAN work. And all cases are about as individual as your own thumb print. Can only wish you the best of luck.

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Thank you!

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score 1 · Answer 10

Each day is so different, but it looks like you handled this one well.

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score 6 · Answer 11

What works today may not work tomorrow, so you have to be flexible in whatever approach you take. This dementia journey is all done by trail and error, so I wish you the very best as you travel this very difficult road with your mom.

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