This feels never ending and not getting better.

Good the State evaluated. Your daughter is #1. Burnt has a saying "the fastest way to a NH is being stubborn" or something to that effect. I may tell Mom that if she does not take advantage of what is available to her and Dad, the State could step in and take over. Best way to help prevent that is to allow Dad his hours.

You are right. You've tried to help your parents and they refuse even free additional care. Your mother passed competency testing (God only knows how if she's unable to even answer a phone) so it's out of your hands.

Spend more time with your 11 year old daughter because it goes by so fast. You are right to refuse to drive out to your parents' place and stay the night because their caregiver called out sick. You don't have to let your parents' asinine stubbornness control your life.

They refuse to move to assisted living or to a more manageable housing option? Okay. A crisis will have to happen that will most likely result in both of them ending up in a nursing home permanently and against their will.

Unfortunately, too many of our senior 'loved ones' have to learn their lesson about being stubborn and unreasonable the hard way.

You did the best you could by them and now you have to take a step back and let the chips fall where they may.

I just wanted to add a little note, that when I saw the title of your post that "This feels never ending..." I went through something like that when my elderly Mother (really elderly--nearly 100) had Alzheimer's--with gradually fading and fading of her cognitive ability, her ability to just take care of simple things, and her steady personality change. Toward the end I felt at times she hates me, or is just resentful, and said all kinds of unkind things. I did my best for her given my own circumstances, and went through all of this in my 70's. I really felt 'this will never end!' And I sure wanted it to end. It was horribly exhausting and took all my effort not to snap back at her sometimes. In the meantime, I took my mother to the park with her little rolling walker (and listened to her gripe but at other people--LOL) , But then she couldn't manage that anymore. I took her to a beach in Daytona where you could just drive out onto the beach, and watched her enjoy the waves. But then she couldn't manage that anymore. So I drove her to MacDonalds where she had her favorite fish sandwich. But after a while she couldn't manage that either. Finally she couldn't even step out of her apartment at all, had a medical crisis, and after that ended up in Assisted Living--not a happy situation but the best available. So I walked her around there many times, and this went on for some time. Again I thought 'this will never end.' later she had to have hospice. And that was so hard to. In the end she couldn't really do anything at all and I prayed to God to just please take her back. How can a person pray for something like that? You would never know till you get there yourself. But now that she is gone, and I look at the plot where I buried her ashes, I wish for a moment to be with her again.
So it does end. My only advice is to try to enjoy your parents as much as you can, you are doing your best already. It will end, and do whatever you can now to help yourself psychologically, when the inevitable changes come. I wish you love and as much kindness as the world can give you.

I think that entirely washing your hands of this will increase your guilt. I think you should be there to the extent that you can with sympathy and love, but with boundaries intact. They have a right and access to care they are refusing. That is their own choice. I would tell them that it is difficult for you to see their struggles when help is readily available, but that you cannot BE that help; be certain they have access to the phone numbers. I think it is very important to get goals and boundaries CLEAR IN YOUR OWN MIND for YOURSELF, and really encourage you to journal. This is their choice, their decision, and while they are in charge of their own decisions they have a right to make them, whether they are good decisions or not. You have done all that can be expected, and all that CAN be done for them. Guilt isn't appropriate. It is GRIEF you feel at their poor decision. You didn't cause this and you can't fix it and guilt requires causation and a refusal, out of malice, to fix things.

An event will happen that forces change with your parents, it’s just no fun waiting on it. Meanwhile, you’ve done your best for them, no one can ask for more. Your daughter will remember a parent who was present and available for her instead of one who was absent, prioritizing unreasonable people who wouldn’t listen anyway. That’s the most important thing. Don’t waste precious time and energy on guilt, you’ve done well. Your parents are blessed to have you care, though they may never see it, and your daughter is definitely blessed to have you. I wish you peace

Great to hear you are putting yourself and your daughter first. That is your priority. You need to stop feeling guilty you owe them nothing if they won't accept advice.

The fact that your parents, moreso your mother wish to live the life they currently have is their decision, nothing to do with you. You cannot fix what is clearly broken with their thoughts processes.

If the caregiver is sick, you cannot be expected to fill in at short notice. It sounds as if your parents organised the care so they have to live with the shortcomings.

Regrettably the state/authorities will only intervene when there is a serious incident, a fall or the further deterioration of your father. You have done your best in difficult circumstances. Please look after yourself xx