The emotional and physical toll, which is worse, no physical contact or emotional love between us, but the physical work that is necessary,

Tell us more about your wife. Your ages and what her health problems are.

You have come to the right place, loads of good advice here. It sounds like things need to change and change soon for you all. This site opened my eyes. Wishing you well.

Please look at some nearby facilities where she will have 24/7 care, activities, and friends. You'll visit whenever you like, you'll take her out for recreation (if that's possible) and you will both be better off than what you're doing now.

Home caregiving is unsustainable in the long run. You can love her just as much when she's in assisted living and you're at the beach.

Try putting her in respite care for 5-7 days a month to give you a break. You have to pay out of pocket or if she’s on hospice, they pay for 5 days a month. You can pay out of pocket for 2 more. Or, find and pay a private caregiver to help you. They may help 4 hours during the day or if more helpful to you , they come at 6 or 8 pm and get her ready for bed and handle her needs overnight and you are off. It costs some money but gives you a kind of life again until you have to place her or the journey is over. Get whatever help you can. 2 hours on Tuesday from the church, a hour from a neighbor, pay for 4 hours on Saturday for a paid aide, ask neighbor for 2 hours once a week on whatever day suits them. Ask for help. If it’s not enough, then placement in a care facility is next. Don’t kill yourself doing this. It serves no one.

Are you able to arrange for assisted living so that you can step back from the caregiving, feel more like a husband again, and get to the beach?