So, Mark's birthday was on March 29th and he would have been 62. His daughter, Ashlann died at 31 in October and his first wife years before that. I'm getting better about guilt, but the nagging feeling of I'm the only one left alive out of the family unit scares me! Yes, he had a granddaughter, but she is special needs and don't know if she is really aware of her mother's or grandfather's death. I feel like why am the only one left? Why did Ashlann decide to drink herself to death? I know it's weird as it wasn't traumatic to really be survivors' guilt.
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Feel what you feel, treat it like a weather system, get through it and go on.
This is life, imho.
I often tease that I think we were a whole lot better off as peasants that worked the fields, raised MAYBE enough food to feed ourselves, up with the crows and in bed when the sun set, exhausted, without a whole lot of time for the machinations of our busy brains.
Good to hear from you DoggieMom. You're doing FINE. CARRY ON.
Mark was your ex, and his family was his family not technically yours, so you need to put that in perspective and be grateful for the people that you do have left in your life, as I'm guessing your mom wouldn't be too happy to learn that you feel that you're the only one left in your family.
I'm glad that you're in therapy and I hope that includes grief counseling as well.
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I don't know if a person "decides" to drink themselves to death. It happens and when you are at that point I don't think you can just stop drinking unless you make a conscious decision to do so. That is the "hitting rock bottom" unfortunately some do not realize they are at the bottom.
If you are not talking to a therapist please do so. You are processing a lot and it helps to have someone that is uninvolved, neutral, to bounce thoughts off of. You have nothing to be or feel guilty about
🙏