How old is she? What does she eat? How do you know she isn't?
Try and ascertain the reason. Does she have dental issues which make it uncomfortable for her to eat? Or is she feeling sick? Some medications can make food taste unappealing. Obviously, address any underlying causes first, and help her to find something she can eat easily. Try asking what she would like.
Elders don't eat much and don't need to eat much. If she is content, leave her alone. She will eat if she is hungry. And if she is approaching end of life, she may stop eating all together. That's normal.
If she's lying to you, it's because you are bothering her and she just wants you to let her be.
I can't help much because I never did get Mum to eat. The meal replacement drinks (lots of people mention Ensure in these forums) kept Mum going for a while. We provided Mum with snacks to encourage her to eat. She sometimes ate one or two sweets, or pieces of dried fruit and cheese, but then refuse any more. She really believed, at times, that she did eat. However, she pretty much stopped and we couldn't persuade her. It's something you have to accept.
I'd like to add that Mum had some problems using the toilet because of the lack of food. Laxatives were too harsh, even senna, so shd was given one DulcoEase every day to help soften stools. This made Mum more comfortable. It's not usually advised to take such medication long-term, but I think it's fine for an elderly person, without worrying about them becoming reliant on such tablets for the rest of their lives.
There are many reasons a person will not eat. Have you asked her? I always give my MIL a lot of choices at a meal and tell her it is her choice to pick what she wants and to leave what she does not want. She can choose like a buffet. If she eats little, later I will give her a half banana and say “want this?” she always takes it. I keep healthy muffins backed- low or no sugar.
My spouse has always been a snack eater. She only eats two meals a day, if they are prepared for her. She does not eat lunch; sleeps so many hours it is difficult to fit a third meal in her day. Her nurse practitioner suggested leaving food out for her to be attracted to. So, there are at least three snacks on the kitchen counter daily from after breakfast until bedtime. When she passes these snacks, she will often stop to eat them. With this method, we have been able to maintain her weight.
Oh that comment resonates! - "She won't drink 'cos she'll have to pee". I'm always in the restroom; she thinks 4x a day is too much. Then every time she needs a blood test, it takes the senior nurse to get a vein. I switched her to mostly decaf to help at least a little. "You can take a horse to water, but..."
My mom with dementia and aunt,without dementia, both in their late 90s had this slow decline lasting about a year. Both expressed that they knew they were declining in their own ways. Your mom should not be forced to eat but you might ask if the staff would provide a few snacks between meals. It might also be time to try supplements but again they should not be forced. It might be time to wait it out. My mom had a fall with a small spinal fracture which is when her hospital doctor suggested hospice. If you choose you can notify her doctor for advice.
Someone needs to be with her at meal times Sometimes it’s she sometimes medical - speak to her doctor they can prescribe compact meal replacements which can help and speak to her about what foods she would like my dad went through a stage of not eating - we had to get him into a strict routine - make meals smaller maybe a yogurt in between or later in the evening now he’s in a routine he complains but we sit and encourage him to have at least half of the meal it’s not easy. We found with my dad he had tooth /denture issues and he had an ulcer needing antibiotics - also if wearing dentures a slight weight loss can make the mouth shrink and the dentures move which causes pain and not eating which elderly fail a lot if the time to communicate best wishes - hope it sorts out and soon
Yes, went thru this with the most stubbornly independent mom in the world recently. Said same things... but lost 21 lbs. between December to December. In her 90's, can still walk unassisted and dress, shower herself. But her dementia and loss of smell has probably impacted her willingness to eat. A couple bites, then nothing... Put her on Boost Very High Calorie supplement, which she does like to drink. Now she is in a facility (memory care unit) which feeds her 3 times daily, plus I continue to provide the Boost. They are monitoring her weight and the loss has stopped, but we haven't discovered anything that will bring her appetite back.
When they stop eating, that's a sign their body is rejecting food at the end. Most of us will lose our appetite towards our last month's. The body rejects food and liquid before shutting down because nutrition is no longer necessary. I watched my mom lose her appetite. You cannot force someone to eat against their will.
Respectfully, this isn't necessarily at the end of life. Old people often lose their sense of smell and things don't taste as good as they used to. That doesn't mean they're at the end. Half of my old family members lived like that for several years and they were nowhere near death. There is a medicine I give my mom called Megestrol, which has really helped with her appetite. But it's a 50/50 chance on whether it helps.
My mom's nursing home weighed residents regularly and would have supplemented the intake of anyone losing weight that rapidly with very high calorie drinks and puddings, these products are also available for the public to purchase.
My grandmother had to go to a rehab for a few months after she broke her hip. It was a nice place, even she admitted that. Food was okay, but not slop either.
She was mad at the whole situation and didn't think she needed the rehab. She refused to eat and of course lost weight. Refused Ensure and the like. Just dug in her heels. I'd watch her nibble on a piece of lettuce for 5 whole minutes, then she'd insist she'd eaten. She was basically on a hunger strike.
Finally her doctor sat next to her bed and asked if she'd like a feeding tube. She got mad and said “No!”. The doctor calmly told her that he couldn't force her to get a tube. Then he told her that if she kept on this hunger strike, she would die much sooner than later. That scared her. Guess who ate half her dinner that night?
That she is eating. She�s 91, down about 24 lbs. since Oct My MIL (89) was in LTC for 7 yrs. This past Oct the facility saw she was consistently dropping weight (10 lbs), didn't have much of an appetite. They suggested hospice. Hardly long after the hospice began (in her same room, same facility, same people) she passed away in December. It shocked us how fast it happened. Has she been checked for a UTI? 24 lbs is an alarming amount of weight loss. She could be having other health problems: diabetes, thyroid, cancer, etc. When was her last thorough physical exam by her primary doctor?
She has Macular Degeneration and mild dementia. Recently moved to an assisted living after a bad fall. She gets mad and says she is eating but eat maybe 2 bites and nothing cold. Maybe a Boost or Gatorade. And try’s to refuse meals saying it not good. Doesn’t want to drink because she’ll have to pee. Such a struggle, not that interested in candy. Maybe a couple of nuts or the occasional pizza slice. Wouldn’t move where I live, wants to be in her hometown near friends.
My MIL did this when she was in her early 80s, after her husband went into a facility due to Parkinsons. We knew she had some short-term memory loss but then once we were on an outing with her and she almost passed out. Went we checked in her home we discovered food rotting in her fridge and no signs of any eating activity (no dirty dishes, no food waste in trash, no dirty pots). She thought she was eating, but wasn't. Even when we'd ask her what she at that day she'd give us a roster of items but there was no evidence she actually ate anything. She forgot how to use all her appliances. She forgot there was food in the fridge for her. We transitioned her to AL.
You've not given us much to go on here, so not sure you'll get the answers you need or want, but is someone with her at meal times to make sure she eats something, and if not why not? Are her teeth bothering her or is she having trouble swallowing thus why she doesn't want to eat? Is she at least drinking a few high protein Boosts during the day to at least get some protein? And of course as folks get older their food intake often drops a good bit, so are you perhaps worrying about a non-issue at this point? Hopefully you will fill in the blanks here so we can better help you.
She is 91 and recently moved to assisted living after a bad fall. She gets mad and says she is! She has Macular Degeneration and that might play into it. But she is really stubborn about it even if you are sitting there with her.
Not enough info. 1. What does mother say when you discuss this with her? 2. What is mother's weight and age? 3. Has there been appreciable weight loss? 4. Has this been discussed with doctor? 5. What is mother's overall health, any diagnosis, any prognosis we should know to advise you?
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What does she eat?
How do you know she isn't?
Try and ascertain the reason. Does she have dental issues which make it uncomfortable for her to eat? Or is she feeling sick? Some medications can make food taste unappealing.
Obviously, address any underlying causes first, and help her to find something she can eat easily. Try asking what she would like.
Elders don't eat much and don't need to eat much.
If she is content, leave her alone. She will eat if she is hungry. And if she is approaching end of life, she may stop eating all together. That's normal.
If she's lying to you, it's because you are bothering her and she just wants you to let her be.
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We provided Mum with snacks to encourage her to eat. She sometimes ate one or two sweets, or pieces of dried fruit and cheese, but then refuse any more.
She really believed, at times, that she did eat. However, she pretty much stopped and we couldn't persuade her.
It's something you have to accept.
It's not usually advised to take such medication long-term, but I think it's fine for an elderly person, without worrying about them becoming reliant on such tablets for the rest of their lives.
If you choose you can notify her doctor for advice.
Sometimes it’s she sometimes medical - speak to her doctor
they can prescribe compact meal replacements which can help
and speak to her about what foods she would like
my dad went through a stage of not eating - we had to get him into a strict routine - make meals smaller
maybe a yogurt in between or later in the evening
now he’s in a routine he complains but we sit and encourage him to have at least half of the meal
it’s not easy. We found with my dad he had tooth /denture issues
and he had an ulcer needing antibiotics - also if wearing dentures a slight weight loss can make the mouth shrink and the dentures move which causes pain and not eating which elderly fail a lot if the time to communicate
best wishes - hope it sorts out and soon
She was mad at the whole situation and didn't think she needed the rehab. She refused to eat and of course lost weight. Refused Ensure and the like. Just dug in her heels. I'd watch her nibble on a piece of lettuce for 5 whole minutes, then she'd insist she'd eaten. She was basically on a hunger strike.
Finally her doctor sat next to her bed and asked if she'd like a feeding tube. She got mad and said “No!”. The doctor calmly told her that he couldn't force her to get a tube. Then he told her that if she kept on this
hunger strike, she would die much sooner than later. That scared her. Guess who ate half her dinner that night?
Are her teeth bothering her or is she having trouble swallowing thus why she doesn't want to eat?
Is she at least drinking a few high protein Boosts during the day to at least get some protein?
And of course as folks get older their food intake often drops a good bit, so are you perhaps worrying about a non-issue at this point?
Hopefully you will fill in the blanks here so we can better help you.
1. What does mother say when you discuss this with her?
2. What is mother's weight and age?
3. Has there been appreciable weight loss?
4. Has this been discussed with doctor?
5. What is mother's overall health, any diagnosis, any prognosis we should know to advise you?