How to deal with sick husband’s mean and blaming behavior?

When a person is sick, she or he usually does not have the patience to be polite. Many times their social filter drops away and so you get to see the raw, unfiltered personality - all the prejudice, all the pettiness, all the issues that bother the person. Not fun!

Realize that you are not to be the dumping ground, the garbage can, of all their hostility and frustration. A couple ways to deal with it:
Consider HALT. H=hungry, feed the person. A=angry give them time to calm down. L=lonely, reassure through your presence or arrange for others to visit. T=tired, encourage them to sleep and try to make sure it is uninterrupted.
Consider this is anxiety and frustration. Worrying about the changes or frustrated about changes or unable to understand the changes is at the bottom of this. Simple explanations. Counselling for the mentally competent sufferer to find new ways of expressing frustration. Last resort medication to help person to relax and calm down.
Consider that the person is at a point where he or she can only focus on personal wants and needs. Yes, it is selfish and can be very mean-spirited. Reasonable means to meet needs can be tried. If their words and behaviors are wearing you down, it is time for placement in a residential facility.

Mykeart: Do not tolerate mean-spirited behavior.

My late stepfather had Parkinson’s, including dementia and psychosis. He became verbally abusive to my mom. I never witnessed this behavior, and my mom said that my presence calmed him. Monte and I always had a good relationship, because we both had the vocabulary to communicate with each other, including medical topics.

My mom’s way of dealing with his abusive behavior? Marijuana.
She had surreptitiously obtained smoking-style weed and a pipe. Just a few tokes, and she felt relaxed enough to deal with him and get some sleep.

No one has to tolerate abusive treatment. Leave every single time. Retrain him with longer absences if he continues. If he doesn't act civil, it's time for placement. Please set boundaries for your own peace of mind.

Have you tried making him feel guilty for being mean, Sometimes that works. I used to ask mine why she was being so mean to me (in a very sweet way) when she would get nasty. Most of the time, she didn't have an explanation. I would tell her my feelings were hurt, and I could tell there was empathy left in her broken mind. Sometimes, I would ignore, and sometimes I would yell back, which seemed to put her in her place. She is past this stage now, and is in the sweet baby stage, with diapers to change and not eating much but baby food and boost shakes. There's no right or wrong answer to this situation but all you can do is try different things. Sending hugs.

I am so sorry for the heartbreak you must have gone through. Dementia does very horrible things to our loved ones. There are some medications that do help some people. My mom was put on Lexapro and Aricept. Dosages were increased. She suffered with severe UTIS too. My mom was very hateful towards me. I cried and still cry. I still visit my mom everyday, but she is not the mom I knew for 50 years.

I was set free from this kind of behavior when my husband died in September. He had many things going on physically plus two different kinds of dementia were diagnosed. Many here advised me to to leave him but, because my adult son lives here too, I felt that leaving was not needed. My sister, my daughters, my other son, all frequently reminded me that they had space for me if I needed to escape. I will say that while I lived with the situation, they could all see so much more than I was acknowledging. And I was acknowledging a lot!

You need to make sure you are safe, first of all. And you need to let other family know what is going (I doubt they will be surprised, they probably already know). And you need to get him checked by a doctor. If this is new behavior in the last week or so, then ask for him to be checked for a Urinary Tract Infection.

Please let us know more details. My situation could be 100% different than yours, but someone else here might have walked your path.

Leave it.

No info but clear you need to get out If behaviour is physically abusive
of just verbal speak to healthcare
he either needs to be removed from the house or you do
do you gave family members you can speak to
dont Suffer in silence
speak up
abuse main power is the silence of their victims

I do not know what you mean by "sick".
If you mean a diagnosis of dementia or mental illness?
Then you deal with it by understanding your husband is currently "out of the house", and his clone, mentally ill or demented, is a kind of pod person.
How do you deal with pod persons?
It depends upon whether they have a curability quotient.
If so, you bank on that, and do what will bring you to a cure.
If not, you exit the premises.

Without further info, that's about best I can do for today. For THIS day. Which, for me, isn't a particularly GOOD day.
Catch me tomorrow and I may do better, may do worse. Cannot say.
Someone, please report me.
I fear I am going South.
Or perhaps just on an AC vacation for a few days.

You included abusive relationship with your post. Please know you never deserve abuse no matter what’s going on with your husband, and you shouldn’t tolerate it. Let us know what’s going on with him, medical diagnosis or mental health issues or whatever it might be, that’s contributing to his behavior, so better advice can be given. If you have a time you’re scared for your safety, call 911 and ask that he be removed from the home at least temporarily for evaluation

You need to give us more information, either here or on your profilte. Your age, Dh’s age, both your health situations, options (housing and finances), etc. With so many things to take into consideration, advice or sympathy is very difficult! Please provide more, so that you can get more support. There are many of us here who would like to give you some support.