I had to take my husband's keys away a couple months ago due to his dementia. Since then, he has become verbally abusive and it is getting worse. He was supposed to have testing this week to assess the extent of his dementia. When he got there, he refused to do the tests. Now he says he is getting a divorce and moving back to Minnesota because I ruined his life by taking away his keys. I try to avoid responding, but it's hard because he becomes so patronizing. Any suggestions?
Have you ever told him to go ahead and divorce you? Call his bluff. I doubt that he has any intention of getting a divorce. He’s trying to intimidate you. You’re not letting him do that, but if you turned the tables on him, maybe he’d shut up.
On the other hand, dementia patients aren’t known for their reasoning powers.
I hope things get better for you.
Please make sure that you are safe.
I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Best wishes to you and your husband.
You mention your husband is living in "Independent Living" do you mean he is in a facility or is he living at home? And in either case are you living with him?
Fist I have to ask if he has EVER become physical or is it verbal abuse?
If he EVER gets physical you MUST call 911.
Explain to the dispatcher that your husband has been diagnosed with dementia, he is becoming violent and you are afraid for your safety. Request that they transport him to the hospital.
Once at the hospital you seek out a Social Worker.
Explain to the Social Worker that you are afraid for your safety, you can no longer SAFELY care for him in your home.
(If this does happen maybe they can get some testing done at that time)
If he has not become violent then you talk to his doctor and if your husband is on medication for anxiety you tell the doctor that they are not working. If he is not on medication that should be tried.
If you have 2 cars and 1 is his, the other yours you have to remove his car from your property. If you don't sell it then at least ask a friend if it can be parked in their drive for a while. (Do not ask one of his friends to keep the car, they may tell your husband where the car is)
I am surprised that when he refused testing they did not try to get him to comply at least for some of the testing.
Do you have plans, or does the doctor have plans on how you are going to get an "official" diagnosis?
Your main goal now is to KEEP YOURSELF SAFE