"Feeling like I was kicked out of the house - 'justified because in a way you were'. 'Deserving to be kicked out of the house' - possibly justified too.
Your wife can be a big part of you doing well in the NH. She can visit, keep you in touch with the outside world, and monitor the care that you are getting to make sure that it's as good as possible. To make that work, it might help if you thanked her for her care at home, now that you may have some idea how much is involved for a whole team of people paid to work around the clock. Resenting your wife and the decision to place you, is unlikely to work in your favor.
Did you appoint your wife as your POA knowing she'd do the right thing for you, and keep your best interest in mind? Or are you suggesting your wife has tried to punish you for being too ill for her to care for at home any more? Surely your intent is not to make HER sick or immobilized with an injury from trying to take care of you??
Old age and infirmity is hard for all of us. Speak to your doctor about antidepressants to help you cope with yours. I wish you the best.
It is as I said to my brother when he said (quite honestly) that he wished he was dead: "It isn't something we have control over; let's look at things we do".
Phil, I am sorry this wasn't discussed with you. But I am wondering also if perhaps it was discussed, and you may not have a clear memory of it. Can you tell us a bit about yourself? What necessitates your being in care now? Are there physical problems in mobility and getting around? Have you become forgetful?
Whatever the circumstances, it is apparently your doctors and your care facility thinks that care is needed here. This was the case with my brother though he was good enough to go out and walk about the grounds, cut flowers, straighten up in his room, go for games and movies, and etc.
Can you tell us if you are in memory care or rather in Assisted Living? Do you have your own room with some of your own things? Is the food decent? Have you made any friends?
I am wishing you the best. I am sorry for your circumstances. My brother's favorite thing said to me was this: "You know hon, it is a bit like when I was young man in the Army. I didn't much like it, but I make the best of it, and he DID".
Phil, were I you, I would commit yourself to acting like you’re making the best of it for at least one or two weeks. There’s really nothing to lose with this experiment.
Try the activities. There is usually at least chair yoga, which is a form of exercise. As far as meals, sit with those who have similar conversational ability. You’re not the only one in a nh who still has your capacity, so find a peer group.
I'm so sorry for your situation. Is it possible your wife was burnt out and exhausted from providing your care because it was more than she was able to handle on an ongoing basis? Have you needed help for a while now? A lot depends on how old one is, what the care receiver's needs are and whether the caregiver also has their own health/mobility/cognitive issues. If you can tell us how old you are and why you think you were transitioned to a facility, more info would be very helpful. More info about your wife would also help.
Whatever your medical problems are , you must need a level of care not sustainably provided at home. Perhaps you are not able to remember that . You say you are confused .
My own sister recently placed with dementia is feeling the same way since her son placed her . Only a few months ago she was aware of her cognitive issues getting worse and admitted she may have to go to a facility. Now she has no idea why she is there and texts everyday that she’s “ too young to be put away “ .
Adjusting to this change is hard for you . Ask for an antidepressant . Try to remember that your medical problems are why you are there and your wife did not cause them .
If you were admitted to a NH you must need a lot of care. It sounds that your wife was doing it. Did you notice how much work she was doing for you? Did she seem exhausted? Did you talk with her about HER problems? Did she try to ‘involve’ you in solutions? If so, how did you react? Was she ‘depressed and confused’ about what to do?
Thinking through these questions might help you to decide to make the best of the situation now.
Op, if you are of sound mind chances are that you could force a discharge. After all, facilities are not prison. You may divorce her to get your half of the assets to spend on whatever living and caregiving arrangement you wish, but you can’t force her to take care of you.
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'Deserving to be kicked out of the house' - possibly justified too.
Your wife can be a big part of you doing well in the NH. She can visit, keep you in touch with the outside world, and monitor the care that you are getting to make sure that it's as good as possible. To make that work, it might help if you thanked her for her care at home, now that you may have some idea how much is involved for a whole team of people paid to work around the clock. Resenting your wife and the decision to place you, is unlikely to work in your favor.
Old age and infirmity is hard for all of us. Speak to your doctor about antidepressants to help you cope with yours. I wish you the best.
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Phil, I am sorry this wasn't discussed with you. But I am wondering also if perhaps it was discussed, and you may not have a clear memory of it.
Can you tell us a bit about yourself?
What necessitates your being in care now?
Are there physical problems in mobility and getting around?
Have you become forgetful?
Whatever the circumstances, it is apparently your doctors and your care facility thinks that care is needed here. This was the case with my brother though he was good enough to go out and walk about the grounds, cut flowers, straighten up in his room, go for games and movies, and etc.
Can you tell us if you are in memory care or rather in Assisted Living?
Do you have your own room with some of your own things?
Is the food decent?
Have you made any friends?
I am wishing you the best. I am sorry for your circumstances. My brother's favorite thing said to me was this: "You know hon, it is a bit like when I was young man in the Army. I didn't much like it, but I make the best of it, and he DID".
Try the activities. There is usually at least chair yoga, which is a form of exercise. As far as meals, sit with those who have similar conversational ability. You’re not the only one in a nh who still has your capacity, so find a peer group.
How old are you and what do you suffer from.
My own sister recently placed with dementia is feeling the same way since her son placed her . Only a few months ago she was aware of her cognitive issues getting worse and admitted she may have to go to a facility. Now she has no idea why she is there and texts everyday that she’s “ too young to be put away “ .
Adjusting to this change is hard for you .
Ask for an antidepressant . Try to remember that your medical problems are why you are there and your wife did not cause them .
Thinking through these questions might help you to decide to make the best of the situation now.
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