I’m struggling with going on a much needed vacation and leaving my 90-year-old mother in respite care at an assisted living facility.

Please stop with the struggling and just go and have a great time! You matter in this equation as well you know(in case you forgot)and I'm sure your mother would want you to go and have fun.
Your mother will be just fine. And who knows, she may actually enjoy being at the assisted living facility and want to stay. That would be a win win for you both right?

You need to recharge your batteries and take a break from caring so that you have the energy to do it all over again when you get back. PLEASE GO

I can imagine how you feel. I did not go on any vacations for 5+ years as I was caring for my severely limited mom who was trapped (Life Care contract at a CCRC) in a nursing home where care = institutionalized neglect.

IF she is really declining, I suggest you see if she is eligible for hospice, An in-house hospice facility might be a better choice. But a decent Assisted Living facility could be a good choice. She might enjoy it if she knows it is just temporary. And if you can afford to have someone check on her every couple of days, that might be good as well. Finally, be sure you can talk with her. If the facility has WiFi, set up an Echo Dot or Show for her and drop-in now and then.

Hello you have a lovely time as someone said to me they had a good life and to have a holiday which you deserve is important after all we are not getting any younger ourselves and need a bit of me time, you sound like a lovely person that has always been there for your mum so to have a holiday never feel guilty enjoy!

Thank you. I know I need and deserve it, but I still feel guilty. I’m afraid something will happen while I’m gone, but I’m trying to have faith and enjoy my vacation.

You need to go. Mom will be fine. Always think on the Airplane, it says put you own mask on first then help others, meaning take care of yourself so you will be more in position to help others. Please dont feel guilty, GO!

Go on your vacation. You need to live your life. Perhaps it will work out well and you will decide to have mom move there permanently , Then you can be her advocate and be a refreshed visitor.

We did the exact same thing last summer! And I was very anxious about leaving my mother as well. We were away for 10 days, out of the country. My mother did very well at the "Life Guidance" unit of the Assisted Living facility near us. The staff was wonderful and she seemed just fine when we picked her up to take her home. It was a wonderful trip away with family, which was much needed. Please take the time for yourself. You need to be both mentally and physically healthy to take care of your Mom. It is the best decision for both you and your Mom. I wish you all the best.

Absolutely go. I have the same problem but my wife (married 64 years, 4 months and 29 days) is in a program called Hospice At Home. I have 2 caretakers for here who cover her from 9:00 AM - 7:00 PM. I have the night shift. I have to have supper early or make it myself for after 7:00 PM. My daughter comes and stays with her while I take time off. I am still working in a highly tense job,, 5 days a week.

You won't be good for anything if you burn yourself out.

Absolutely go! I love to travel and even before my mother had dementia she called travel "wasting money" and "unsafe". LOL I recently went to Europe and for ten days I wasn't worried about being randomly shot.