Check with local skilled nursing facilities as well as home health care agencies for respite care options.
As an RN, I have found that my patients pass most of the time as if they have an agreement with God. Need family to visit, then they wait until the last family member is present. Want to spare family and friends seeing "the death scene", then they pass when everybody is out of the room. Need spiritual rites or pastoral care, then they wait until those needs are cared for.
All to say, plan your trip. Do not feel guilty about taking care of your health.
Go on your vacation. You need to live your life. Perhaps it will work out well and you will decide to have mom move there permanently , Then you can be her advocate and be a refreshed visitor.
Brendapesce: You should go on your vacation. My DH (Dear Husband) and I never took special number anniversary vacations because 'Oh, my gosh, what if my mother becomes ill?' Now mother is gone and we are too old to take these missed vacations.
Note from my past, present - and, sadly, probably future self - who has not had more than two days away from the house in four years: GO! Don’t be like me. Have a life and don’t feel guilty.
Absolutely go! I love to travel and even before my mother had dementia she called travel "wasting money" and "unsafe". LOL I recently went to Europe and for ten days I wasn't worried about being randomly shot.
Go on your vacation. You will be renewed and, ready to jump back into the caregiver role. Do not feel guilty. Tell your mother you love her and, be at peace should she die while you are away. You have done all that you can. If you do not go and get ill yourself from caregiver exhaustion, she will end up in respite care anyhow. When you return , you may have a refreshed perspective perspective on the whole situation, needs and options going forward. Go on vacation. Blessings
Absolutely go. I have the same problem but my wife (married 64 years, 4 months and 29 days) is in a program called Hospice At Home. I have 2 caretakers for here who cover her from 9:00 AM - 7:00 PM. I have the night shift. I have to have supper early or make it myself for after 7:00 PM. My daughter comes and stays with her while I take time off. I am still working in a highly tense job,, 5 days a week.
You won't be good for anything if you burn yourself out.
Make a list of routines for them. Ask if they can accommodate them. Be sure to tell them whether she can eat solids or not. How does she drink liquids...from a straw or small cup. Go enjoy your vacation.
We did the exact same thing last summer! And I was very anxious about leaving my mother as well. We were away for 10 days, out of the country. My mother did very well at the "Life Guidance" unit of the Assisted Living facility near us. The staff was wonderful and she seemed just fine when we picked her up to take her home. It was a wonderful trip away with family, which was much needed. Please take the time for yourself. You need to be both mentally and physically healthy to take care of your Mom. It is the best decision for both you and your Mom. I wish you all the best.
You need to go. Mom will be fine. Always think on the Airplane, it says put you own mask on first then help others, meaning take care of yourself so you will be more in position to help others. Please dont feel guilty, GO!
You can empathize with her if the prospect of staying in an unfamiliar place alarms her, but tell her you need her to have a safe place to stay and someone to make her meals while you are away. Don't get into a discussion about whether or not you should go if your mother protests your leaving. Her "stay-over" might be an interesting learning experience for both of you.
Hello you have a lovely time as someone said to me they had a good life and to have a holiday which you deserve is important after all we are not getting any younger ourselves and need a bit of me time, you sound like a lovely person that has always been there for your mum so to have a holiday never feel guilty enjoy!
I can imagine how you feel. I did not go on any vacations for 5+ years as I was caring for my severely limited mom who was trapped (Life Care contract at a CCRC) in a nursing home where care = institutionalized neglect.
IF she is really declining, I suggest you see if she is eligible for hospice, An in-house hospice facility might be a better choice. But a decent Assisted Living facility could be a good choice. She might enjoy it if she knows it is just temporary. And if you can afford to have someone check on her every couple of days, that might be good as well. Finally, be sure you can talk with her. If the facility has WiFi, set up an Echo Dot or Show for her and drop-in now and then.
Thank you. I know I need and deserve it, but I still feel guilty. I’m afraid something will happen while I’m gone, but I’m trying to have faith and enjoy my vacation.
Please stop with the struggling and just go and have a great time! You matter in this equation as well you know(in case you forgot)and I'm sure your mother would want you to go and have fun. Your mother will be just fine. And who knows, she may actually enjoy being at the assisted living facility and want to stay. That would be a win win for you both right?
As an RN, I have found that my patients pass most of the time as if they have an agreement with God. Need family to visit, then they wait until the last family member is present. Want to spare family and friends seeing "the death scene", then they pass when everybody is out of the room. Need spiritual rites or pastoral care, then they wait until those needs are cared for.
All to say, plan your trip. Do not feel guilty about taking care of your health.
Blessings
You won't be good for anything if you burn yourself out.
IF she is really declining, I suggest you see if she is eligible for hospice, An in-house hospice facility might be a better choice. But a decent Assisted Living facility could be a good choice. She might enjoy it if she knows it is just temporary. And if you can afford to have someone check on her every couple of days, that might be good as well. Finally, be sure you can talk with her. If the facility has WiFi, set up an Echo Dot or Show for her and drop-in now and then.
You are not that powerful to control the aspect of living or dying.
The Higher Power makes the decision, not a mere mortal such as ourselves.
Your mother will be just fine. And who knows, she may actually enjoy being at the assisted living facility and want to stay. That would be a win win for you both right?