How do I gently refuse to give my 89 year old mother a computer?
She is in assisted living and has trouble remembering anything. I am afraid she will get online and buy or sell something that would hurt the family financially.
Are you more concerned with losing some of your inheritance if your mother sells something, or with her just having a computer? You say that if she were to sell something it could hurt "the family financially," so I'm interpreting that as she'd be taking away from your inheritance. If it's her money she should be able to have what she wants. You can buy an inexpensive Chrome Book, and if need be, can put some parental controls on it if it becomes apparent that she's abusing it in any way. Let her enjoy her final years with what she wants. I know I wouldn't want my family telling me what I could and couldn't buy with my own money.
Uhm, yeah, I'm looking into that mom. I hear there might be a sale next month....
What does she want to do with it, and do you think she can even use a computer at this point?
She can't buy anything without access to money, so limiting her access to CC and banking information is a first step (she can transition back to cash for routine purchases). Any major sales she makes will take more that a few computer clicks, the sale of big assets like cars and land need paperwork. Beyond that parental controls can help limit the web sites she has access to.
If your mother wants a computer and succeeds in getting herself in a computer then good for her. I don't see there's anything unreasonable in your saying "no I'm not spending a big chunk of cash on any expensive toy for you," though.
You do realise that the decision about whether or not she gets online is not up to you, yes? Doesn't her ALF have silver surfer activities, or anything like that? If not, suggest it - it's great mental exercise, is safely supervised, and often proves extremely popular with the most unlikely technophobes.
Why are you concerned about the buying/selling scenario, especially? - what's come up before to make you worry about it?
In general you need a charge card to order anything on a computer. If there is some dementia here I am worried if your Mom does have one, worried that someone else is not in charge of all accounts. When my brother got Lewy's (probable early Lewy's dementia) he asked me to be his POA and the Trustee of his trust. We went together to his attorney to do that. I was in charge of all bills and account and he had his own small spending account which he only GREW rather than emptied. I would go ahead with all of that, and then allow that computer if she can still use one. I have problems with my own at my age of 80, but it is said some ALF now have a computer concierge to help elders. It keeps them up on the news, allows for games and chats, and etc. Just food for thought. Your choice is of course your own.
Has she shared with you why she wants a computer? I think it’s great that she is interested in using a computer. She may be bored and is sick of looking at television.
Does she have the money to buy an inexpensive computer? You can place blocks on certain sites to protect her from any concerns that you have.
Give her one that has no access to the internet. Put a bunch of games on it. The concern I would have is that a laptop or pad/tablet would become "lost", "misplaced", "stolen", "borrowed" whatever term you want to use.
what age do you think someone should no longer use a computer? Computers can be used for games. They can be used for reading and it is easy to change the visual aspect to make it easier for someone that has problems with books.
In the future, I know I will keep needing a desk top/large monitor computer just to read the daily newspaper because it feels like every year the paper copy print gets smaller and smaller :P
You can get a grandpad... it has the ability to get internet however you can block that. But it has games, news, phone, facetime. It uses data and not wifi.
17 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
If it's her money she should be able to have what she wants. You can buy an inexpensive Chrome Book, and if need be, can put some parental controls on it if it becomes apparent that she's abusing it in any way.
Let her enjoy her final years with what she wants. I know I wouldn't want my family telling me what I could and couldn't buy with my own money.
What does she want to do with it, and do you think she can even use a computer at this point?
She can't buy anything without access to money, so limiting her access to CC and banking information is a first step (she can transition back to cash for routine purchases). Any major sales she makes will take more that a few computer clicks, the sale of big assets like cars and land need paperwork. Beyond that parental controls can help limit the web sites she has access to.
ADVERTISEMENT
You do realise that the decision about whether or not she gets online is not up to you, yes? Doesn't her ALF have silver surfer activities, or anything like that? If not, suggest it - it's great mental exercise, is safely supervised, and often proves extremely popular with the most unlikely technophobes.
Why are you concerned about the buying/selling scenario, especially? - what's come up before to make you worry about it?
Just food for thought. Your choice is of course your own.
Does she have the money to buy an inexpensive computer? You can place blocks on certain sites to protect her from any concerns that you have.
Put a bunch of games on it.
The concern I would have is that a laptop or pad/tablet would become "lost", "misplaced", "stolen", "borrowed" whatever term you want to use.
Computers can be used for games. They can be used for reading and it is easy to change the visual aspect to make it easier for someone that has problems with books.
See All Answers