So I have things set up that the majority of his money is in a separate account and I hold the card to that, and then there is a smaller account that he can use.
He definitely is in the phase of whatever this is (dementia not yet diagnosed) where he wants instant gratification. This has been a problem for me, because even though he lives nearby in AL, I have a job and a family and a life and I can't drop everything because he decides he wants a new shirt. So instead he shops online. I have stressed over and over again that if he's going to do that, he needs to shop only at trusted retailers, and not just google stuff he wants. He insists he only shops at Amazon and Walmart.
The card history tells a different story. Especially since he's gotten his card canceled five times in the past 18 months because of fraudulent transactions.
Every time this happens, he blames me. "I only shop online because I don't want to bother you." "I had to buy this online because you said you couldn't take me shopping until the weekend." etc and so forth. (Keep in mind I still go shopping for him, and with him — if he needs clothes, I take him to the mall, if he needs every day items, I'll get them with my regular shopping and drop them off. It's the I NEED THIS THING THIS SECOND part that I am refusing to do)
I'm reticent to restrict his finances any more than I already have because the last time I tried to put on some additional restrictions (more by accident than anything else) he called my sister and said I was keeping him from his money and she reported me to the AL for elder abuse and I had to leave work and go to a meeting with the director.
I kind of want to wash my hands of it, and just say, fine, here's all the info, I'm no longer involved in your finances. Or the next time we get a fraud alert, just ignore it. But I know that's the wrong thing to do and if all his money goes away, he will be unable to pay for AL.
I just want him to stop using the card on those dodgy web sites!
What do I do next?