Oh this is so hard to write, but I have to talk to someone. My stress is through the roof.
No question, but I need support.
Dad lives in my brother's home. My brother provides incredible support and care to Dad.
Dad has been in and out of hospital multiple times this year, heart, E. Coli infection of his blood (a complication of colon cancer), other complications due to the cancer. But the doctors agreed Dad was a candidate for surgery to remove the tumour.
Now 9 days post op he has an infection, is in incredible pain and has a 50/50 chance of pulling through.
Dad is 93.
Yes, the cancer was causing no end of issues, especially with constipation and blow outs. But Dad was living relatively independently, still able to prepare simple meals, clean up his dishes etc. He needed help with house keeping, laundry etc, but he was alert, engaged and in daily contact with friends and family.
I am pi$$ed off that the surgeons decided to do an invasive surgery on a 93 year old with a significant heart condition. They consider the surgery a success as he survived it.
And yes, Dad wanted the surgery. He planned to live as long as possible.
I live a 5 hour trip away and just started a new job. I will go to my brother's place next weekend to see Dad. Hopefully he survives that long.
My kids other grandfather died last month and their Step Mum's Dad died very unexpectedly 4 days later. It feels like the Grim Reaper is hovering in the shadows waiting to take Dad too.
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Is dad telling his team that he in pain? Or is he putting on a brave face for them? Advocate for better pain relief!
((((Hugs))))))
My brother is at the hospital for 3-5 hours a day advocating for Dad. He is being prescribed a form of morphine for the pain.
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I have notified my work that Dad is very frail and have permission to leave at a moments notice if needed. Other wise I plan to travel to his city Friday evening and spend the weekend.
IF your dad chose this surgery, then you must accept that he had his reasons. Even at 93, and sick, people will do anything to fight back death.
If this surgery is going to give dad back some of his passion for life, then I hope it does, in fact, do that. If not, then you will come to terms with what he CHOSE to do. It's hard to maintain anger at someone who has made a decision that they had every right to make.
At any rate, whatever the outcome, I hope you have peace.
((HUGS))
It takes one month for every hour before one feels better again. Thus if surgery was 3 hours, it will take 3 months for the fog to lift. Let's hope that is the case and nothing more serious once the infection clears up.
His last surgery was 40 years ago for his Gall Bladder and he was laid up for weeks. That was when they still did it by the big incision.
I am really worried about my brother. He is enmeshed with Dad, co-dependent and had a breakdown at the last medical crisis before the surgery.
my prayers for your father. may he pull through.
huge hugs to you, your father, your family.
You are wise and correct.