Just re-acquinted dad with the word pretend.. u can at least try to pretend u like seeing me.. then ignored him outside of general conversation.. I'll see if it is worked next time I visit?
If your father suffers from Alzheimers/dementia, you can tell him anything you'd like but the chances of him understanding or retaining what you tell him are very slim. If he's a moody man who's in an agitated mood, then he's likely to take it out on you no matter what you say or do. Next time you visit you'll be lucky if he remembers anything at all about your last visit, to be honest. Dementia causes an elder to forget new information they've heard from one moment to the next. And also for some of them to be the MOST toxic with those closest to them, and those who do the most FOR them.
Your best bet is to leave dad's presence if he gets too snarky with you, and let him know WHY you're leaving, too. Let him know you're leaving b/c of his behavior and you'll be back another time when he's in a better mood. Dementia or not, he may respond better to your actions than to anything else. My mother was able to understand "Uh oh, my daughter is leaving or hanging up the phone b/c I'm acting way too snotty" in pretty short order. If she wanted company, she had to act civilized, so for the most part, she DID. Otherwise, I'd get up and leave.
Please come back and tell us how you get on with ‘pretend you like me’. It would take quite a bit of understanding and motivation on Dad’s part to see the point and co-operate. Almost a dementia test in itself!
4 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
A year ago, she would have held onto that idea for maybe 5 minutes.
The year before that, maybe for 12 hours.
So, with that trajectory, any thought of her “pretending” would never have had much success.
He needs short simple statements.
If he loved you before he began to lose his cognitive skills, he may love you now OR not remember how he felt about you, OR not remember you at all.
If he’s treating you badly, give him a big hug and say “I love you, and I’ll see you soon”, turn around and walk out.
Don’t linger, don’t say a lot of extra stuff, JUST LEAVE.
Tough to do, but hanging around doesn’t help you and doesn’t help him.
ADVERTISEMENT
Your best bet is to leave dad's presence if he gets too snarky with you, and let him know WHY you're leaving, too. Let him know you're leaving b/c of his behavior and you'll be back another time when he's in a better mood. Dementia or not, he may respond better to your actions than to anything else. My mother was able to understand "Uh oh, my daughter is leaving or hanging up the phone b/c I'm acting way too snotty" in pretty short order. If she wanted company, she had to act civilized, so for the most part, she DID. Otherwise, I'd get up and leave.
Good luck