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adesertratrules Asked September 2022

New at caregiving. Any advice?

We have lived together 10 years, not married, my choice. I am 80 and he is 90. No problem until this year. He has had a rapid decline with memory.


 


Knew of his background caring for his Mother who was in nursing home ten years. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer.


 


All I wanted so far is to read about other persons that had or have to care for a dementia person,


 


Have excellent support from daughter who lives 2 hours away.
He does know me and sometimes her and her husband.


 


She takes him to all doctor appointments and is in good terms with his doctors.
We recently had the doctor remove his prescription meds for memory as they made his memory and actions too combative,


 


Just want to read about other caregivers.


 


adeserratrules

Geaton777 Sep 2022
As his decline continues, his daily needs and challenges may start to burnout his caregivers. His daughter being 2 hours away is a primary problem as she won't be able to maintain helping him -- it's too big of a commitment and will negatively impact her ability to lead a normal life. This goes for you as well.

Hopefully his daughter is his PoA (and you have one as well). Make sure all legal ducks are in a row for both of you. Consult with a Medicaid Planner for your state unless you are very well-off financially.

As long as he is cooperative and has decent health and mobility, you can probably continue as is for a while. Eventually he may begin yelliing for you continuously (this is called Shadowing) or wandering, which is dangerous. He may even become aggressive. The best you can do now is come to peace with the fact that you and daughter may need to change how and where he receives care. Be realistic and therefore flexible. There are many other posts on this forum about spousal caregiving. Just be aware that at 80, burnout or injury is a real possibility for you. I wish you much clarity and wisdom and peace in your hearts as you work with his daughter to provide realistic care solutions!

97yroldmom Sep 2022
Welcome to the forum

You will find many experiences to read about here. It sounds like you have a good support system in place for your partner. He and the daughter are lucky to have you. Be sure to take care of yourself and let her know when it is too much. Hugs

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againx100 Sep 2022
Has he been to the doctor? A rapid decline can be due to something like a UTI or low B12, etc. If he hasn't been, I think a physical and some blood work could be a good starting place.

SO glad that his daughter is supportive. Does he have his affairs in order to give POA to someone in case he can't take care of things anymore? And a will, etc.?

My mom has been living with me and hubby for almost 7 years. Continues to slowly but steadily decline into dementia. It's hard. Try not to take anything he does or says personally.

More info on what you are dealing with will get you better advice than this.

Good luck.
adesertratrules Sep 2022
Has been to medical, dental and eye doctors, blood work done and daughter has POW. He did not like the fact that even auto taken away and new license denied because he is not safe on road..

I was sharing the boat I'm in.

I took care of my Ma and was very pleased she had passed in her sleep without pain or any medical problems...just have never dealt with anyone like him. It is an eye opener experience for me. Thank you for the response.

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