Possible $$ exploitation of Mom AND didn’t recognize me. What should we do?
I had reason to suspect exploitation (or bad judgement on Mom’s part) after seeing $5,000 in checking acct. withdrawn by her recently. Bank manager and teller remembered the transaction because a man, about Mom’s age, was with her. He tried to rush her along & she told him to go wait in the car, and he did. Teller and manager said something to the effect that, "No man would talk to them that way." Mom said it wasn’t her husband, but a neighbor, that she can’t drive (license suspended) and her neighbor drives her with her car. Mom said she owed him $1,000 and she was keeping the $4,000 for house updates.
Her car inspection sticker shows 9/2021.
I went to diner to see her the other day, after telling me to get out of her house back in October. She walked in and didn’t recognize me, pointed at me saying ‘there’s a stern looking woman looking at me’ and then walked to her table in another part of the restaurant. After paying for my lunch, I went to her table and said she didn’t recognize me? Because she can’t hear, she answered that her voice machine and phones aren’t working. I repeated myself about not recognizing me and said ‘oh? Yeah, I don’t know….’ She won’t follow up on neuro referral, so she’s not being monitored for MCI.
DH and I tried, once more, to visit her at home today. She asked me what I wanted. I said we were visiting. She replied that she didn’t want any. She was a mess and didn’t want to let us in, but we had iced tea for her, so we got in. Said garbage disposal broke, it smelled like bad food. Items in her refrigerator from two years ago is still there, a dozen filled take-home boxes of food from eating out were on table and countertops. PILES on top of the same piles of pizza boxes and bags (since months ago, undisturbed). I asked if she needed help and said no and we left. So upsetting and sad to see this. But, as bank manager said, she’s very lucid and there’s not much I can do but watch and wait for the next bad thing to happen to her.
11 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- My mom has Alzheimer's and lives at home with my dad, but he started a relationship and moved this mistress in. What do I do?
- What happens when your parent is considered mentally incompetent due to failing memory?
- When an overnight home aide is there to care for a patient with dementia, what happens if that patient shares a room with their spouse?
- Sudden decline. How quickly can this happen?
You’ve gotten some good advice from other posters on becoming your mom’s POA or guardian. It’s really the only way, otherwise you’re essentially powerless to help her.
I’ve been down this road too, fighting to protect my mom from a predatory DIL who was using my brother’s illness to bilk my mom out of $150K+ of funds that could have gone for her own AL/MC expenses. With the help of a great Elder Law attorney and a caring financial advisor, we were finally able to button up everything to prevent total loss. Mom’s now in a great AL facility that she likes, but I’m left with managing her much-limited funds and sweating out her remaining years, hoping and praying she’ll have enough to last.
I would encourage you to educate yourself and talk to the bank manager about calling the PA Dept of Banking & Securities hotline for suspicion of elder abuse (financial). Here’s the website to PA’s guide for financial institutions to follow when they suspect elder abuse including hotline numbers: https://www.dobs.pa.gov/Documents/Publications/Brochures/ElderAbuseGuide.pdf
Also, a Senior Safe handout: https://www.dobs.pa.gov/Documents/Publications/Brochures/SeniorSafeWeb.2017.pdf
And this clinician guide has all the PA and national resource contacts listed: https://www.dobs.pa.gov/Documents/Publications/Brochures/Elder%20Investment%20Fraud%20Prevention.pdf
Good luck!
I am DPOA, but mom hasn’t been declared incompetent. March moCa number was 21 and family doc gave her a neuro referral, but hasn’t gone (family doc has not received notes from neuro).
Lawyer was on vacation, but paralegal emailed right away and we are scheduled to speak tomorrow morning.
Sooo good your mom is happy. Mine hasn’t been, and doubtful she’ll like APS showing up at her door. But I cannot worry about that now. They would have to manage her from then on.
**Question for anyone reading this - what would it look like from the knock on her door by APS, and if they deem incompetency, what would happen next? She does what she wants and won’t go willingly to a doc RE MCD, soooo . . .
ANSWERED my own question and will confirm with attorney: https://www.elderlawanswers.com/how-do-i-file-for-a-guardianship-12406
If you are willing to do this very hard job with all the record keeping and bill paying you should begin with a solid diagnosis that Mom is no longer competent to manage her own affairs.
See an elder law attorney for your options.
Mom may need safe placement soon as well, but this is a place to start.
Sure do wish you luck.
I am surprised the bank would allow that to happen
Much of a target?
Manager said mom did not appear to be coerced. But come on. An 81-year-old woman Who regularly banks at that branch, and who they all know? She hasn’t taken out $5K since at least 2019. She has a history there. I was in and spoke to the same branch manager about a year ago, so . . .
Keep calling APS until something positive happens.
I will say when we cleaned out my step fathers/mothers home we found almost $3,000 hidden everywhere.
Keep reporting.
they also get paranoid and withdraw large amounts and hide it all over the house. Expect to find dollar bills tucked into books, pockets, under mattresses, etc.