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BintUmi Asked August 2022

New Neighbor knocking on the wall at night. Any suggestions?

I’m a caregiver to my mom who has mid-stage dementia. My mom’s dementia is rough and it makes her shout uncontrollably at night, especially when I need to clean her when she wets herself. She would shout for few minutes while I put her back to bed around 12:30 am. Then, she will stop and fall asleep. I’ve tried every trick in the book and nothing calms her. My issue is our new next door neighbor would knock on the wall at night in order for my mom to shut up and that knocking sound further scares her and makes it even worse. What can I do? I don’t want to go talk to them, they don’t look friendly. Can they call the police on us? My mom is not screaming all night just shouts when I’m changing her between 12:15 to 12:40ish am. What would the police do in this instance?

polarbear Aug 2022
It's worth pointing out that

YOU get annoyed that the new neighbors knock on your wall but

You expect the neighbors to NOT to get annoyed with your mom's shouting.

Fawnby Aug 2022
If the neighbor reports this to the landlord, this could result in your having to leave. Every tenant is entitled to “quiet enjoyment” of their home.
lisatrevor Aug 2022
I believe “quiet enjoyment” is a legal term that does not mean what you think it does. It means that the landlord is certifying that they own the property and no one else can come in and force you to move. I know, law is very confusing.

You should look at the lease for specifics when it comes to noise and other disturbances from other tenants.

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polarbear Aug 2022
Just unfollowed this tread.

OP is more emboldened now that she has a friend in the rental office who backs her and her screaming mother up, basically giving the middle finger to the neighbors.

"My mother can shout and scream all she wants in the dead of night, and you can just suck it."

Inconsiderate, rude, and selfish.

OP, may you have many years and decades of diaper changing in the dead of nights.

Bye!

p.s. I hope the neighbors will sue the owner for all the moving costs, and any differential in rental expense between the current and the new place.

Isthisrealyreal Aug 2022
I am in utter shock that you Bint, can think negatively impinging on anyone's space, that they pay for, is acceptable.

I think that fair housing laws will soon see your "friend" fired and possibly sued. With you as a named defendant.

I think you should be completely ashamed of your selfishness in this matter. You definitely know how to make enemies with your entitled attitude.

Who thinks that anyone should willingly, with a smile, put up with being jarred awake by screaming for a half hour nightly?
PeggySue2020 Aug 2022
ISRR, if the friend was acting as a representative of the landlord, it may well be the landlords perogative. Stupid of him, but I’ve had landlords put up with all sorts of partying on down to having peoples broken meth and crack pipes around.

I mean, these days San Francisco allows all this.
ZippyZee Aug 2022
I agree with the neighbor, being woken up past midnight due to a screaming demented elder would make me bang walls too. Yes, they very much can, and probably should call the police if the issue is not resolved. She's disturbing the peace.

Maybe move her bed to a different room, as far away from them as possible.

Seekingtruth123 Aug 2022
Whilst I understand your situation I too wouldn't be best pleased if I was in the neighbours situation. They may well sympathise with your mums situation too but if their sleep is getting disturbed that's not fair on them and their life which will be just as important to them as yours/yours mums is to you.

JoAnn29 Aug 2022
I read your post about Mom not peeing all day and releasing it at night. IMO, not peeing all day is a problem and a UTI is more likely than if she is left wet all night. I think her not going all day is a problem and should be mentioned to the doctor. Seems she can hold it but then when she is relaxed sleeping she can't.

Can't find the response and some mentioned Lasix water pills. Is Mom on this?

I think your office friend maybe mixing up "medical" condition and the Disabilities Act. Dementia is not a disability. I have to agree that when this person rented, he should have been told about the neighbor. Since he wasn't, he does have a good cause to sue the Landlord.

I know some of us may seem a little harsh in their responses but your neighbor does not have to be sympathetic to your problem. Mom may be becoming more than u can handle and u may have to place her. Maybe reread the responses and write down the suggestions and see what ones you can use. Really, its up to u to solve this problem.

LoopyLoo Aug 2022
BitUmi,

I could be wrong here, but the gist I am getting is:

1. You feel there’s absolutely no way to stop mom’s screaming.

2. You feel the neighbors should be more forgiving since mom has dementia (can’t help herself) and screams “only” for around 30 minutes. After midnight.

3. You are not liking the replies here that say the neighbors have every right to be mad. Which they do.

You say you’ve tried everything to keep mom calm, but mentioned nothing about medications or ways to avoid changing her at night. It really looks like medication is the only way to go here. Everyone in this situation is miserable!

It is unfair to think neighbors should tolerate the screaming. They pay to live there too. It would be one thing if the incidents were few and far between, but every single night? Even if they knew why she screams, the reason means little when they are woken up every night.

Your options: Get mom some melatonin or other medical relief. Find a way so she doesn’t need changing during the night. Move mom’s bed away from walls or in another room. Or consider memory care, because this is not going to get better and it looks like mom is needing more care than you can provide anymore.

MJ1929 Aug 2022
Why on earth wouldn't you talk to the neighbors? You need to apologize sincerely, explain the situation --not use it as an excuse as in "I'm sorry, but my mother has dementia" -- then incorporate the suggestions here to alleviate the problem.

That's how to be a good neighbor, clear the air, and keep tempers at bay.

Beeshepard Aug 2022
Good grief! Put some Cavilon Durable Barrier cream or some type of diaper cream on her once you change her diaper before bed. Then, change your mothers diaper the next morning! Zinc Oxide ointment (16 oz Jar) and Vaseline Petroleum Jelly (16 oz Jar) will work too. Its not worth the trouble & problems you're creating by wanting to change moms diaper at all. You have enough going on without creating a ruckus in the middle of the night with your neighbors.

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