Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
M
mamaco Asked June 2022

Responsibility for father's spouse when moving into a memory care facility. Any suggestions?

My father (late 80's) is remarried for about 15 years to second wife and they have moderate means. Wife has started to indicate in a year or so that the father may need to move to assisted living or memory care, and the kids may need to figure out how to pay for it while wife continues to live in the couple's house (she is 10 years younger). Father has a pension and some other dividend income being provided which would cover a good portion, and some savings, and they have joint assets which could be used but it is hard to know how much would be required.


 


What is the requirement to use the couple's assets to pay for both the father and step-parent living expenses and what could be expected to be paid by the children (who were gifted some assets by the father 15 or so years ago)?

Geaton777 Jun 2022
He gifted the money to his kids about the same year he got remarried... without knowing how much or why, I would still say the burden is on her to work it out. Second marriages late in life are fraught with all sorts of complications, like this one. I think his kids should diplomatically suggest that she see an elder law/estate planning attornery and/or a Medicaid Planner for her state.

MeDolly Jun 2022
No responsibility, he gifted his children, his choice.

Let her figure it out, there are many options available to her. Sometimes the "Mrs" handle later in life is not the best option. Oh well, too late!

ADVERTISEMENT


JoAnn29 Jun 2022
Yes, his wife is going to need to figure it out.

She needs to see an elder lawyer. Medicaid allows for marital assets to be split. Dads split goes towards his care. When its depleted, she then applies for Medicaid. She will then become the Community Spouse and remain in the home. She will also get enough, partial or all, of their monthly income of Social Security and pension to live on. This is basic info. SHE needs to be told that there is no law that makes children financially responsible for a parents care.* As his spouse, that falls on her. Tell her maybe she can sell the house and go into AL with him. I know couples who have done this. Gives the OK spouse the ability to do what they want knowing the other spouse is being cared for in their absence.

*there are filial laws that are slowly being taken off the law books. They were enacted before Medicaid. They r really not used if children show that paying financially for a parent in care would cause them a hardship. Your Dad has a spouse, and his care is her responsibility, not his children's. You need to tell her this now so she can plan.

MargaretMcKen Jun 2022
Since no-one is being nice to the wife/stepmother, I'll just point out that “the kids may need to figure out how to pay for it” doesn’t necessarily mean “the kids need to pay for it”. Discussion with all involved has to be a good idea.

againx100 Jun 2022
Hmmm, I don't think so! She's being very selfish. His money is for his care. The kids are NOT responsible for paying for his care. IF they want to contribute, fine, but I would not do so because the stepmom will expect/demand it to continue.

She is going to have to figure it out. It sucks but that's what married couples do. She may have to figure out if she needs to separate from him or divorce him to get her share of the assets before he goes into a facility.

mstrbill Jun 2022
The children are not required to contribute anything if they don't want to, and shouldn't if it would impact their ability to sustain themselves down the road. 15 years falls well beyond Medicaid look back as well. There is no legal obligation on the children to contribute anything. Father and wife should see a good elder attorney who would know how best to utilize the assets they have.

lealonnie1 Jun 2022
I find it ludicrous that your father's wife is putting the burden of your father's care on YOU! I married my 2nd husband 12 years ago; if he were to need AL or MC, it's MY problem, not his kids' problem, in reality! I feel like your stepmother is being greedy by assuming it's her 'right' to live in their house, Scott-free, while you kids scramble to figure out how to pay for your dad's care, when in reality, SHE needs to figure it out! Is it not your father's right to 'gift' you some money 15 years ago w/o you having to 'repay' it in the form of ponying up $8K a month (or whatever) for his care in AL or MC???? Where is HER obligation in all this?

The joint savings & pension combined with SS monthly income should be used to fund his stay in managed care, as is the norm for the rest of the world financing such care. When my folks were in AL and MC, that's how it was paid for; dad sold their house, then used savings and monthly income combined with the proceeds of the house to finance their stay in managed care. I also applied for VA Aid & Attendance for him (and then mom as surviving spouse) b/c he was a WWII veteran who served during wartime, to supplement his income. If the wife doesn't want to sell the house, the ECA can advise accordingly.

Please go sit down with a Certified Elder Care attorney NOW. Get the low-down on your rights, the wife's rights, dad's rights, and all the financial 411 so you know what's coming if and when dad has to be placed. Knowledge is power.

While his wife should not be left with nothing and no roof over her head, similarly, you kids should not be left with nothing either while trying to pay for dad's care. Talk to the ECA about Medicaid requirements and what's needed to get that ball rolling, too, should the need arise.

Good luck!

AlvaDeer Jun 2022
The children were gifted.If well off they can feel free to contribute all the while understanding that their first obligation is to themselves, to be secure in their old age, to put their kids into college if they wish help going there, and etc.
You should see an elder law attorney at the time Dad needs care to examine the options for separation of finances and etc. This is a very individual thing. You will take with you all the assets and obligations of the couple at that time. Wishing you good luck.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter