Is it a wise decision to give up having children when my mother is very dependent on me financially?

Your mother probably isn’t old enough for any pension available where she lives, but is there any reason why she can’t get a job? At 52, virtually everyone needs to get their own income. If you stop supporting her, will your sister pick up all the slack, or can both of you opt out so your mother has to find work?

At age 26 and newly married, you and your husband should be thinking about your marriage and enjoying your youth. A gap to settle down the marriage before you have children is a good idea for most people, but ‘decisions’ right now are NOT a good idea. Your intentions for children should NOT be made on the basis that you have to support an irresponsible parent.

I am a bit taken back that a 52 year old is being called an aging parent.

Your mom isn't aged, sorry 52 is WAAAAYYYYY to young to sit back and demand your daughters finance your laziness.

Unless you are willing to only have part of a life for your mooching momma then you should stop financially supporting her. She needs to get off her lazy duff and get a job, it's not a dirty word.

You and your sister are disabling her by stepping in and providing everything for her. She has no reason to do anything differently, she has no needs. You will be amazed at what she can do if it means homelessness or hunger.

People like your mom turn my stomach.

There is a wise poster called JoAnn29 - I hope she times in. She says:

"My new mantra...I am here to help people find a way, not be the way".

Your Mother is 52?

Expects be taken care of.. as a "dependant aging parent"?

She must be joking right?

She has 15 yrs until legal retirement age (where I live).

She sounds more like an entitled 15 yr old.

Time to pull her finger out, get a job & a life plan.

Or are there major health issues/disabilities to hurdle?

If she needs help, offer encouragement to find such help.. a Life Coach, Therapist or Mental Health support.

At age 52 I was working PT AND helping to care for my sudden burgeoning onslaught of grandchildren (13 in 7 years!!)...and if someone had called me elderly I would have been deeply offended.

At 52 my mom was basically bedridden with numerous sketchy ailments, all related, as she stated to 'you kids'. Actually, looking back, she had agoraphobia and wouldn't leave the house for months and months. Wouldn't even go outside. Until I read a previous post by someone who mentioned THEIR mother's agoraphobia, she was just non-existent in our lives.

Your choice to have or not have children is you and your husband's choice. Not mom's. Sounds like a good frank discussions about boundaries is in order.

One of my 4 daughters has chosen to remain childless. This does not affect me AT ALL as she is being true to herself and her lack of any desire to be a mom. She is a loving and delightful person and I actually enjoy that one of my girls is 'free' to talk to me without interruptions and who can be a true and wonderful friend. BUT, I also adore the 14 little weasels that my other girls and DIL have had.

NONE of our kids mooch off of us. (I see enough of that in my DIL's family to turn my stomach!) It's not healthy and it never seems to work out well.

You may think 52 is old. My mom turned 92 on Friday and she said her doc says she'll live to 100. I bet she does. That's 40 more years of this...is that what you want??

I say this with love. Walk away.

Your mom is way too young to be doing this to you. It is not on you or sister to be paying her rent or anything else.

Regarding children, only you can ultimately decide. If you decide yes, don’t have her babysit as this will ultimately make her believe she is even more entitled to any part of your life.

The logic behind your mother's attitude? She's a user. She's lazy and expects others to finance her life while she does absolutely nothing herself to earn a dime. She's horribly entitled and demanding you to give up your life and financial security for her.

No decent parent would EVER demand such a thing.

You are thinking 10000 times about what to do, knowing in your heart what you WANT to do, and that your mother is WAY out of line and being unreasonable with her demands.

If it were me, I'd tell her mom I love you, but I'm not going to finance your old age. Period. Figure it out now, marry some poor slob who will support you, get a job, whatever, but I'm hereby freeing myself up to live MY LIFE ON MY TERMS. Then proceed to do so, without guilt. Have children if YOU want to, and enjoy your life.

Parents should never have children to force them into caretaking and financial exploitation for life, for petesake! Our job is to love them and raise them to be loving and productive members of society. That's all.

Best of luck to you

Your mom is only in the beginning of middle-age. This is ridiculous, cut her off. She’s playing you like a fiddle and it’s so manipulative and unfair. She’s still technically in her peak earning years according to current trajectories of how long people are expected to work.

I think it's important to keep in mind that kimino and her family are from Southeast Asia. Expectations are very different there, although they are beginning to yield somewhat to present-day realities. If you want an eye-opener, watch the 2002 documentary "Daughter from Danang" about a girl born to a Vietnamese mother and American soldier father during the Viet Nam war and given up for adoption to an American family. When she went to Vietnam to meet her mother's family as an adult, they immediately expected her to send them money, bring the mother and other family to the US to live, and start picking up her share of the "filial obligation" for her mother's support, even though all these people were total strangers to her.

My point is that the mother's behavior may be reflective of the expectations within her culture and may not be unacceptable there as it would be here. Should the OP (and her sister) cease to support their mother financially, that may be deemed unacceptable in their community. We can't really judge the situation by our standards, I don't think. I'd be interested in what kimino has to say about how the situation is viewed within her own culture.