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NYCaretaker52 Asked April 2022

Mom's in a nursing home and has dementia. I'm looking for a memory care facility that offers the mechanical, soft diet she needs. Any advice?

I am the Court-appointed Legal Guardian for my Mom. I am trying to find an affordable place in Queens, NY, that offers the special diet Mom needs. I contacted one of the free services to help with my search. I've checked them out and the ones in the area I'm searching have low sodium/low sugar diets, but not Mechanical Soft.


The nursing home costs have severely depleted my bank account. I'm paying out-of-pocket for Mom's care (she's been there since October 2020.) My opinion of the place has also diminished significantly. She doesn't like the food and seems to subsist on mainly sandwiches for lunch and dinner.


I've looked into Memory Care facilities and had to scratch them from my list. One didn't make accommodations for special diets. The other could take Mom right away and give her the soft diet. My finances made the latter impossible. Now I've looked at the information on the other Memory Care facilities and they do not mention mechanical soft diets.


Mom's nursing home is in the same neighborhood where I live. I plan to move to a neighborhood close to the Memory Care place where Mom is placed. I have been wanting out of my apt for a long time. It's also a co-op unit. From what I've read, none of them meet her dietary needs.


Does this mean that my Mom is condemned to spending the remainder of her life in a place she despises and I want her out of? Is this the "end of the line"? To compound the situation, my elder law attorney has to petition the Court to grant me permission to sell my apt. The lawyer also knows a Senior Placement professional. I am reluctant to involve them in this because I don't think she will tell me anything I don't already know. I used her service before to assess the most appropriate setting for my Mom's dementia care. It cost me $600 to find out Memory Care would be best. I am very despondent. I am an only child and I don't have any family to help me. I am emotionally exhausted and disgusted with the whole mess. Two lives are in limbo. It's like we're both prisoners. What can I do?

JoAnn29 Apr 2022
I agree that the facility should be able to blend food to be easily eaten.

I too wonder why you did not apply for Medicaid. You definitely need to now. MCs are private pay.

mstrbill Apr 2022
I don't understand, you said you are paying out of your own pocket and have depleted your bank account? That doesn't make sense, you should not be using your own money, you use mom's money, and if mom is out of money she goes on Medicaid and Medicaid pays for her care. All nursing homes have mechanical soft diets. My father was on one for the last two years of his life in a NH, the food was very good.

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MargaretMcKen Apr 2022
I’ve not heard the expression ‘mechanical soft’ before. What does ‘mechanical’ mean – just mashed/pureed in a machine, like an ordinary ‘soft’ diet? It’s worth checking exactly what’s meant, as this is such a common requirement for the elderly.
MargaretMcKen Apr 2022
I just looked it up on Google. It says “A mechanical soft diet consists of any foods that can be blended, mashed, pureed, or chopped using a kitchen tool such as a knife, a grinder, a blender, or a food processor. These processes break down the structure of foods to make them soft and easy to eat without biting or chewing.” This is the normal thing many old people need.

Google also says “Soft food diet is one that includes foods that are easy to chew and swallow and excludes foods with a hard texture. Mechanical soft food diet refers to using equipment, such as a blender or processor”.

I think you need to ask the right question!
Countrymouse Apr 2022
???

Swallowing impairments/difficulties are so common in the later stages of dementia that I would expect *any* memory care unit or facility offering dementia care to be able to cope with your mother's dietary needs. Our service certainly does comply with any specifications like that, such as thickened fluids or soft diets, and we're just providing domiciliary support in our clients' own homes.

I wouldn't rule out the ones that don't refer to it specifically in their brochures/online information - ring them up and ask them.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Can't anyone at the Nursing Home help in the search?

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