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BabyBoyBobby Asked March 2022

Mom's ALF told me if I returned I would be trespassing. Can they do this?

I am her essential caregiver & medical POA. The durable POA doesn't like me.

Frebrowser Mar 2022
Read the document that gives you medical decision making authority. Is it a living will, a medical power of attorney, or an advanced health care directive? Does it only give you specific end of life medical decision making authority?

My advance health care directive (AHCD) not only gives my agent the ability to make medical decisions for me if I am unable to, but also to choose my physicians or health care facilities; make personal care decisions including where I live, what I wear, and manage the care of my pets; and handle the disposition of my remains after my death.

My property POA gives my agent the authority to handle my assets and pay my bills once it is activated. All authority under this document ends at my death.

So, I wouldn't expect that my POA would have the authority to tell my ALF to exclude my AHCD agent from visiting me. The AHCD agent selects the ALF, the POA pays the bill. This kind of division of responsibility has worked well in handling the affairs of two of my older relatives, but there has to be a reasonable working relationship between the two agents.

If my AHCD agent behaved in a manner that made the ALF itself subject them to a no trespassing warning, that would be a problem. Presumably, the ALF would be selected because it was expected to best meet my needs. My agent would have to decide between handling my affairs remotely, moving me to a possibly inferior facility, or resigning in favor of a successor agent listed on the document who could better manage interaction with the ALF staff.

If you are working with a living will that only specifies end of life care decision making and if you don't have access to the POA document (e.g., you were not given a copy by your Mother as a successor agent), I suspect that the POA can exclude you; the POA most likely selects the facility and pays the bill.

You could try contacting an eldercare attorney to see if they think that the POA would be responsible for using your Mother's funds to pay them to discuss your responsibilities under your document with you. If they say no it is probably because your authority is very limited.

It is so not good that you have an adversarial relationship with the POA. Take some time to figure out if there is anything you can do to to improve the situation. I have seen mediation mentioned many times here. You don't have to like each other, but you need to be able to work on your responsibilities without obstructing the other person's ability to handle theirs.

Try to find a way to love your Mother more than you dislike each other.

It is beyond sad if either or both of you allow your personal challenges to interfere with your Mother's ability to enjoy whatever positive interactions with you that remain possible.

gladimhere Mar 2022
What did you do?

What is an essential caregiver?
Geaton777 Mar 2022
An essential caregiver is a designation given to people by admins in facilities who are primary caregivers of LOs in those facilities, even if they aren't PoAs. This was created so that families could get into facilities while covid was still creating restrictive visitation and isolation problems.

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JoAnn29 Mar 2022
If your Mom is competent and wants to see you, the DPOA cannot override Mom. DPOA does not give you that power. Its a tool, not a control.

I would call APS and ask if they talk to Mom about what she wants.
Maybe see the lawyer who drew up the documents. Maybe he can't write a letter to the DPOA telling him/her that he cannot keep you from seeing Mom without a good reason.

AlvaDeer Mar 2022
The legal POA can, yes, stop you from visiting an elder who is unable to make decisions for himself/herself if he considers it to be in the best interests of the elder. The POA is legally responsible to act as directed by a competent person or to act in that person's best interests if not.
As medical POA you will be contacted when the person is in the hospital to make decisions. In that case I do believe that the medical personnel will allow you to visit the person, but this is muddy waters indeed.
I think that the DPOA may override a medical POA if there is any evidence of disruptive behavior? I am not certain. I would contact an elder law attorney with that question before the elder falls ill. You can settle all questions likely in a phone appointment of less than an hour's duration.
You do not mention any relationships yet, or what occurred to cause the POA to forbid visits? May I ask for some details in the matter.
You might consider a nice letter saying you wish to visit if this is your relative, and offer that you would be happy to have it be an accompanied visit.

Geaton777 Mar 2022
The question isn't "can they do this" but "why are they doing this" if you are still her MPoA. I don't know for certain whether a DPoA "trumps" a MPoA unless your mother created a new document and you are actually no longer one of her PoAs. If you have your MPoA paperwork take it with you to the facility and show it to them and ask why they're blocking you.

Countrymouse Mar 2022
Not without a reason. What reason has the DPOA given? - I suppose that something must have been alleged beyond that the DPOA doesn't like you.

If I were you I would call APS, explain that you have MPOA, ask for advice, and stick to it. Does your mother have any immediate needs that you are concerned won't be met if you aren't there to help her? - tell them about those too.

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